13 Of The Cutest Incognito Sex Toys (So You'll NEVER Get Caught!)

I am a huge fan of sex toys. 

I think that every woman should experiment with at least two different types of vibrators or dildos during their private play sessions.

Play sessions is my version of coy-speak for masturbation, because sometimes you want to keep your private business private. 

Sex toys are a great way of exploring your body and finding new and exciting ways of transforming your orgasmic experience.

Learning what turns you on when you're playing alone (read: masturbating) can also make sex when you have that much hotter. 

But let's face it, as great as sex toys are, you can't always walk around carrying a Womanizer or a Hitachi Magic Wand in your purse, unless you want the neighborhood children to know you as the local affable pervert. 

The problem with sex toys in general is that they look like what they are: devices to designed to help a woman reach orgasm all on her lonesome. 

That's why I la-la-love secret sex toys.

You know what I mean, sex toys masquerading as something sweet and innocent, but that actually exist for the very important purpose of aiding in the awesomeness of female masturbation. 

So I've rounded up a few of my favorite secret sex toys. Not only will they give you hot orgasms, but they will also make you feel a little bit like a sexy secret agent lady ... and who doesn't want that? 

1The Screaming O Studio O Balm Stick

Amazon, $9.95 

This little sucker looks like ordinary lip balm, but its true identity is so much better. This steamy pocket vibrator looks innocent, but it packs one heck of an orgasmic wallop. 

2The Screaming O Studio Mascara Vibe

Amazon, $14.50

Do not try to apply mascara with this wand ... because it's actually a water resistant vibrator perfect for the girl on the go.

Let's hope she also does her mascara before she leaves her house so she doesn't get confused later on ... God help her. 

3The Screaming O Studio Mascara Vibe

Amazon, $149.00

If you're less James Bond and more Q, then this sleek modern-looking flash drive that doubles as a waterproof vibrator might be a little bit more your speed. That said, it's only got the one speed, but it charges in your computer, so that's pretty dope. 

4Wake Up Vibe

Amazon, $55.66

This cute, sleek alarm clock is perfect for the woman who travels for business and doesn't trust those so-called wake up calls.

It's pretty hard to hit snooze on an alarm clock that wakes you up with vibration induced orgasms. 

5Kiki De Montparnasse Chess Set

Kiki de Montparnasse, $10,000.00

This is one chess set you should hide when you have company over. I mean, unless you're cool with your company using your chess piece dildos. And you just might be! Live your best life, guys, live your best life. 

6Big Teaze Toys I Rub My Duckie Personal Massager, 3-Speed

Amazon, $33.91

Sometimes if it walks like a duck, and it talks like a duck, it's actually a waterproof vibrator that's perfect for bath time. 

7Sexy Shower Sponge Vibrator

Good Vibes, $22.89 

Get clean while getting dirty with this vibrating sponge! I feel like this would also be great for skin exfoliating, while we're talking about it. 

8Hustler's Vibrating Ring

Spencer's Online, $14.99 

It's a beautiful piece of jewelry AND it can get you off in a pinch! Who doesn't love a vibrating ring, I ask you? 

9California Exotics Vibra Phone Massager

Amazon, $16.93

The only suspicious thing about this vibrator masquerading as a phone is that it's masquerading as a flip phone. Maybe hold out until there's a vibrating smart phone. 

10Style Women G-Spot Vibrating Clitoral Lipstick

Amazon.com, $14.25

This might look like lipstick, but what it's actually a pocket vibe designed to do nothing to your lips other than make them part and moan while you have a hot, secret orgasm. 

11You've got lint on you

Amazon, $25.95

Roll this sucker all over your clothing and then roll it all over you to have the lint free orgasm you've been craving. 

12Love to Love Iscream

IScream, $38.99

People might catch on if this one stays in your purse for too long, but an ice cream stick is the perfect disguise for all your summer dildo needs. 

13Coco Licious Hide and Play 3.25 Inch Compact Massager wall

Pink Cherry, $9.99 

If you love to masturbate but hate lugging around a mirror to do your lipstick touch-ups, this secret vibrating compact has you covered.