13 Reasons Paris Hilton Would Be A Better Prez Than Donald Trump

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paris hilton donald trump

Paris Hilton and Donald Trump.

They have so much more in common than you might think. They are both wealthy.

She's worth 100 million dollars. He's reportedly worth 3.7 billion dollars.

They each love tanning, indulging in petty D-list celebrity feuds, have had their own reality TV shows, and they both come from a long line of successful real estate moguls and hoteliers. 

But here's what makes them different from each other (minus her vagina and his penis). Donald Trump has filed for bankruptcy for businesses SIX times. A reporter with the London Review of Books, Deborah Friedell, explains that "Bloomberg puts Trump’s current net worth at $2.9 billion, Forbes at $4.1 billion. The National Journal has worked out that if Trump had just put his father’s money in a mutual fund that tracked the S&P 500 and spent his career finger-painting, he’d have $8 billion."

And Paris?

Paris Hilton grew her inherited wealth at 5 times the rate of Donald Trump. And she did it 2 times faster than he did.

Say what you will about the woman, she's whip smart about her money. 

That's why I think Paris Hilton is the real reality TV star we need running for president, to heck with Donald Trump! The woman has made it clear she has to ability to replenish our coffers.

Do you need more reasons? That's cool, I thought you might say something like that, so I've pulled a few more together. 

1. Her Vice President will be adorable 


Paris's inner circle is comprised of her 35 pets. You know one of them will join her on the ticket. 

2. She has never been accused of sexual assault


Which already puts her leaps and bounds ahead of Trump. Every parent who had to explain why a grown man would "grab a woman by the pussy" agrees. 

3. She ALWAYS pays her bills


Okay, so maybe she doesn’t pay her bills herself, but unlike Trump, her bills are always paid! Trump has allegedly stiffed his workers out of pay for their hard work. Paris, on the other hand, has never seen a cell phone bill. But she knows they always get paid. By the people who pay her bills.

4. Her administration will be televised 


Where Paris goes, cameras follow. Just imagine her smack downs with the senate. Eat your heart out, Real Housewives. 

5. She's single and dating 


Don't be fooled by her pretty face. When it comes to matters of the heart, girlfriend is deep. Watching her lead the nation all WHILE she's macking it to dope-ass hardbody hunnies? That will be exceptional. 

6. She's got a flair for design 


The white house is almost guaranteed to become the pink house. 

7. Her catch phrases are better than Trump's


Admittedly, the bar isn't up really all that high given that "Bigly" isn't even a real word. 

8. She's got experience with the working class 


There was a whole show about it. Paris has led a simple life, and was roundly mocked for it. 

9. When it comes to foreign policy she's a natural 


If by foreign policy you mean DJ-ing in Ibiza. 

10. Because she's just weird enough 


Paris is obsessed with HAM radios and also let a monkey once lift up her skirt. 

11. Because she takes security seriously 


She 100% has no time for gross dudes or testy foreign nations. 

12. Because the flag needs more crystals 


If it lacks glitter, she's not about it. 

13. Because she's honest 


Hilton cannot tell you a lie about how you look. At least, not for long.