Why Lesbians Are Most At Risk At Becoming Love Addicts

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Why Lesbians Are MOST At Risk At Becoming Love Addicts

Have you ever U-Hauled? If you're unfamiliar with the term, U-Hauling is a fun way to say lesbians moving in together after a relatively short period of time — usually after the second or third date.

In an article on Elite Daily, writer Zara Barrie talks about how lesbians are more at risk for love addiction, and how fast they're willing to commit to a relationship.

The question is, why are lesbians so much more likely to move in with someone so quickly than anybody else?

In her book, Understanding the Urge to Merge, lesbian writer and clinical psychologist Dr. Lauren D. Costine, PhD suggests two possible causes of the urgent need to set up house.

The first reason that so many women may jump into a relationship too quickly is oxytocin.

"Biologically, our brains are wired for a relationship and connection," Dr. Costine said in an interview with AfterEllen.Com. "We omit much more oxytocin than men. Oxytocin is a hormone women emit when they're falling in love, having sex, or breastfeeding. It's biological encouragement to attach. It feels so good that for some women — in this case, lesbians — they can't get enough. Since there's two women, there's twice as much oxytocin floating around."

Two women equals a regular oxyfest, and the result is a very intoxicating feeling of rapid closeness. 

The second reason for U-Hauling is society itself.

"We live in a society that tells all women being in a relationship is one of the, if not the most important life goal. Combine those two factors with low self-esteem caused by internalized lesbianphobia [the double problem of homophobia and misogyny that lesbians face], and you've got the U-Haul recipe. When that person starts getting love from another woman, it temporarily fills that low self-esteem. All the red flags are dismissed, ignored, or simply not thought out," said Dr. Costine.

Unfortunately, these lightning speed relationships have a tendency of burning out fast, many between 3 and 18 months.

Dr. Costine explains, "After 18 months, the female body slows, then stops producing that attachment hormone. The high gone, the honeymoon phase is over, and suddenly you have two women looking at each other realizing all the things they don't like about each other."

Dr. Costine suggests taking your time with a new relationship and only seeing that person once a week for the first two months. 

Taking some time before you commit (or rent a U-Haul) lets you really get to know that person and may help to make the relationship last a lot longer.

Barre agrees, writing, "Unfold into her slowly, girl. I promise you it's so much sweeter that way. I've only recently started to take it slow, and let me tell you, the slow burn is much sexier than the rapid fire romance."