7 BRUTAL Truths About Falling In Love With A Damaged Woman

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damaged woman with shadows

A cheating husband while I was pregnant? I was bound to become a little bit damaged. But even though I'm no longer bitter or tormented by my past, I still have some behaviors that manifest themselves when I'm feeling especially low.

Whether it's my own insecurities or the battles I faced in previous relationships, it's hard to drop the act you know so well, which many people need to know about loving a damaged woman. 

Nobody wants to be considered damaged. And while I truly believe that you can overcome just about any hardship in life, it's really hard to control what someone else does to you.

I know, I know — how you react to something is what matters the most and it says a lot about your character. I've read the motivational posters, okay? But emotional abuse, infidelity, feeling alienated, and no trust or respect in a relationship has a way of making you reconsider every coping mechanism you ever used.

Sometimes you're just numb and you end up with seven unfiltered confessions people need to know when loving a damaged woman.

Some relationships advice to understand where damaged women are coming from.

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1. We will want to look through your phone.

I can't help it. It's a compulsion. I will try really hard not to. In fact, I will talk myself out of it a million times. But I'm insecure, and all I have to go on is a previous relationship where my partner's phone was their lifeline and also included several other women.

I know you're not him. I know you're different. But old habits die hard.

2. We'll overanalyze everything you say.

Everything. If you tell me you're having a bad day, I will assume it's something I did. If you tell me you're angry, I will panic that I caused it somehow. If you tell me you're fine, I will over-analyze every nuance of that word until we're both exhausted.

3. We have a lot of baggage.

Ugh. So much baggage. And I'm really insecure about it, so if you could just pick up a suitcase or two to help me out, I'd really appreciate it.

4. We apologize for everything.

Even stuff that isn't my fault. I will say "I'm sorry" more times in a day than I can count, and I will recognize that it's annoying and ridiculous, but I still can't stop myself. This is what happens when you were in a relationship where literally everything was your fault. 

5. We're terrified of being manipulated.

And I refuse to let it happen again. I may say "I'm sorry" even when it's not my fault, but I will realize what I'm doing and make a mental note to not let you manipulate my feelings again.

6. We can be defensive.

The trouble with being damaged is that now I'm so paranoid that someone's trying to pull one over on me, that I'm super defensive. I dare you to ask me why I didn't get any work done today or why I'm so exhausted. I will snap and I will be defensive and angry, assuming you're calling me out for being a bad mom, person, and woman all in one.

I know this isn't true. But this is how I feel.

7. We recognize we do all of these things and we work hard to have our own self-worth.

Trust me, I know these weaknesses are mine. I know that I have to own them and overcome them one step at a time. I know that I need my own self-worth so that I don't panic when you get a text at 3 AM or when you tell me I can trust you.

But the best part about being damaged is that there's only one way to go now, and I will bust my ass every day to be a strong, independent woman with her own self-worth. It just might take me a little longer than I'd like.

Everyone talks about dating someone who's "damaged." But here's the thing: no matter how much repair work I've done, I'm still a little damaged on the inside.

All it means is that I'm better in relationships than ever before. I recognize my negative emotions, I know what to expect, and most importantly? I know what I deserve. And I won't take any less, damaged or not.

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How To Love A Damaged Woman:

How do you love a damaged woman? You do it by following these 5 secrets to loving a damaged woman.

1. Do not rush anything.

Can you love a damaged person? Yes, but it's a bit different. This woman has gone through it. She's been hurt, lied to, and manipulated. So do not be surprised if she doesn't open up right away like many people do when they are getting to know someone.

Don't rush her into something she isn't ready for. So be patient with her and give her the time she needs to collect herself and decide if she is ready to open up or get intimate with you.

2. Accept her...and her past.

When he is ready to open up, you need to accept her story as is. No getting squeamish about what she did or has gone through.

If you love her, that won't matter. You may actually change your perspective of her. Seeing her as such a strong, incredible woman who has gone through hell and back. 

Stick by her side and listen to her when she is comfortable enough to tell you her past, no matter how hard or difficult it is to hear.

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3. Tell. Her. The. Truth.

That's right, all you have to do is be honest with her, and I mean truly honest. No half-truths or "I didn't lie, I just didn't tell you"s. You be open and honest or the relationship will not work and end in disaster.

This isn't just good advice for loving a damaged woman but for any relationship out there. Trust is one of the most important foundations of a relationship, that along with communication. You do these things and you'll be a relationship hero.

I'm not even joking.

4. Show her she's beautiful.

Most women who have been damaged by past relationships have low self-esteem. So remind her that she is beautiful on the reg. I don't just mean tell her she's beautiful either. I mean show her.

Take her to unique places. Give her flowers because it's a Wednesday. Make her dinner. Make her laugh. Get her to smile. Do something to make her feel special inside. Because that's what really counts.

5. Say what you mean and do it.

This woman has probably had several people already play with her heart and mistreat her. So she'll either be super vulnerable or be incredibly tired of the whole dating game. She may be blunt about what she wants.

Therefore, don't give her mixed signals or play games with her. This will only make her mad or even worse throw her back into a horrible mindset that she doesn't want to be in and you don't want to put her in.

So say only what you mean to say, and if you promise something to her... Keep those promises. That will take you straight to the top. 

You do these five things, she is sure to fall in love with you.

RELATED: 12 Sad Signs You're Emotionally Damaged & Are Too Broken To Love

Samantha Darby Sollenberger is a writer who covers Family, Self, and Heartbreak topics.