What It Means When He Says 'I Don't Deserve You'

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What It Means When A Man Says He Doesn't Deserve You

One of the best/slightly gagging parts of being in a relationship is the baby talk — the days-upon-days of whispering sweet nothings and building each other’s egos with more compliments than you ever thought you’d be able to give.

But like all things, the lovey-dovey phase comes to an end and all that cute nonsense you’ve been saying is put to the test.

While some of it's still sweet, some of the "cute" things your boyfriend says might actually be a clue that something is wrong — maybe even signs he doesn't want a relationship with you.

For example, I’ve heard plenty of gentlemen I've dated (swear, I’m not bragging) say, "I don't deserve you."

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The majority of the time I thought they were just being cute, but eventually I learned a few of them really meant it and the relationship ended.

What does it mean when he says I don't deserve you?

Speaking from my own experience, when a guy has said he doesn't deserve me, what he really means is that he doesn't want to be with you.

Now if you’re constantly looking at the world through rose-colored glasses like I was, this hidden motive might be easy to miss. But if you’re boyfriend or the guy you’re seeing is consistently saying things like “you’re too good for me,” or “you don’t want to be with me,” than they’re probably speaking more truth than you realize.

I think our initial instinct is to argue back — in, like, a cute way — that they are enough for us.

We feel guilty that our awesomeness is making them feel bad about themselves, and we want to build them back up.

It’s sweet to think he really doesn't think he deserves you, most of the time, it’s just not the case.

Now I haven’t actually asked any of the men who played that card what the real reasoning behind it was, but I can only assume that it’s just because I was feeling a relationship, and they were not.

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Some even went a little farther down the road (like, a few months of actually, full-on dating) before they had this realization. When this happened, I would play the normal girl card and assume that it was my role to make them feel good enough for me.

As you can imagine, that didn’t work very well and the relationship still ended.

It was only when I finally started accepting that I didn’t ever want to force a relationship with anyone that it all became a lot clearer.

When guys have told me they didn’t deserve me, I started agreeing with them.

Sometimes it made them flip the script and want to date me, sometimes it didn’t. But either way, I felt stronger and better about myself because I wasn't trying to convince somebody that they should be with me.

I figured out that I can be totally OK all on my own.

In my opinion, that is way more important than locking down some dude.

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Emily Blackwood is a freelance writer, editor and journalist who covers small business, pop culture, travel, e-commerce, health and wellness.