5 Reasons Friends With Benefits Will ALWAYS Break Your Heart

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why friends with benefits doesn't work

Thanks, but no thanks.

If you're single but need to get your booty fix, sometimes having a friend with benefits can be the perfect temporary solution. There's something sexy and liberating about having a number you can reach out to any time of day or night and know that doing that means guaranteed good sex without the stress of dating. 

But having a friend with benefits isn't necessarily all it's cracked up to be. Don't get me wrong, it's possible if you are some sort of sex and dating wizard, but if that were the case, why would you still need that FWB?

For my money, this casual sex relationship always, always, always leads to heartache. Here's why friends with benefits doesn't work.

1. Having a friend with benefits keeps you from real relationships.

If you're a busy person, with a full-time job and loads of responsibilities, having a friend with benefits is so convenient that it makes it hard to really date if really going out and finding dates is what you want to do. It's like getting home after work and knowing you have everything you need to make a healthy dinner, but also know there's a quick and easy microwave pizza in the freezer. You'll go for the pizza every time, and eventually, you'll pay the price. 

2. A "friend with benefits" isn't really your friend.

When you're sleeping with someone regularly, even if they are "just" your friend with benefits, you'll come to feel a level of comfort with them. This comfort can be totally deceptive.

It's natural to want to turn to your friend with benefits to debrief about your day or your plans for the weekend. But that's not how this relationship works. You're guaranteed pangs of the heart if you think otherwise. 

3. It's bio-chemically confusing.

When you have sex with someone, your body releases the chemical oxytocin. One of the many things this chemical does is make you feel bonded to your partner. Intellectually, you might feel no connection to your partner, but the biochemical foundation has been laid for you to be hurt if it ends. 

4. There's a reason you two aren't dating.

As much fun as you two have sleeping together and as well as you get along, there's a reason he's your friend with benefits and not your boyfriend. If he was boyfriend material you would have gone down that road already, but you decided not to. This means you two have fundamental differences that could lead to fighting and heartbreak. 

5. Being friends with benefits always comes with an expiration date.

One of the great things about having this relationship is also why friends with benefits doesn't work: it's a relationship that is guaranteed to end. Life changes, people move on, and when you start a relationship knowing it has no real future, you embrace that it can be fun.

But if your friend with benefits becomes a staple in your life, losing them is going to be just as hard as any other loss in its own way. 

Because FWB relationships can be complicated, watch the video below for advice on which rules to have in place:


Rebecca Jane Stokes is a sex, humor and lifestyle writer living in Brooklyn, New York with her cat, Batman. She hosts the sex, love, and dating advice show Becca After Dark on YourTango's Facebook Page every Tuesday and Thursday. For more of her work, click here.