7 Ways Having Sex Can Literally SAVE YOUR LIFE

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sex saves your life


It's the most two or more people can have on their own without pants on. I mean, unless you count naked water balloon fights, and I don't because they've been known to turn hostile. My butt still burns from my last water balloon battle.

When you're having good sex you feel like you're being transported. Your body and their body fuse and connect and their are fluids and sheet gripping and it is so so so isn't a Hollywood sex scene, and you so so so so don't care. Good sex can be straight up transformative. 

It turns out that it can also TOTALLY SAVE YOUR LIFE. This list maybe me nervous enough to repeatedly text my boyfriend and ask after his ejac habits. Hopefully it will make you just anxious enough to get laid and keep living your best life.

Here's just a few of the ways sex can save you from imminent death. 

1. Beat Stress

Studies show that men who had sex the night before a stressful day reported LESS stress. This is due to the skin on skin contact that happens during most sex. So the next time we won't spoon just start screaming about how you are saving his goddamn life.

2. Cure Cancer

Men who ejaculate seven times a week are over a third LESS likely to get prostate cancer. That's right: the dude in the bar who said he needed to have sex with you tonight or he'd die? He was totally telling the truth. Proper, ehem, flushing out of the essential glands keeps the cells healthier for longer. 

3. Stop Pain 

Sex releases endorphins, nature's candy by which I mean painkiller. If you want to banish that headache or crush his migraine, get to fucking! The natural release of chemicals are almost better than mixing Advil with cheap champagne. 

4. Stop Aging

Liz Phair once sang, "Give it to me, don't give it away, without you I'm just another Dorian Grey". It turns out Phair was onto something. A study out of Edinburgh shows that couples who have sex four times a week look TEN YEARS younger. I have sent this information to my boyfriend. I withheld the details that that sex releases human growth hormones that fight free radicals that cause aging, but only because he doesn't need the added incentive. 

5. Kick A Cold 

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A study at Wilkes university found that having sex twice a week boosts your levels of immunoglobulin A, protecting you from the common cold and countless other infections. Sex isn't dirty! It's so clean we might as well be surgical gloves rubbing up on each other! 

6. Fight Heart Disease 

The American Journal of Cardiovascular Health released a study stating that men who had sex at least twice a week were less likely to suffer from heart disease. You guys as I am writing this post I am also texting my boyfriend becoming more and more panicked that if we do not have sex immediately he will die. 

7. Ease Depression 

Back to the good ol' endorphins. What do endorphins do besides make us feel no pain? They make us feel good as fuck! Chocolate ice cream also does this, but it very much does not help with heart disease, so if you're going to pick a vice, stick to sex.