I Taught Myself How To Pee Standing Up Like A Man (And You Can Too)

Photo: weheartit
I Taught Myself to Pee Standing Up, And Here's What Happened

Let's all start by taking a moment to relive one of the greatest scenes from Orange is the New Black, in which Poussey unveils her new invention, the Stand and Deliver:


There's two things I love about this scene:

  1. Poussey. What a ray of sunshine in a dark and horrible prison.
  2. The social commentary. Why do women know so little about how their own bodies work? The only woman who fully understood where the "pee hole" was Sophia, a transwoman who designed her own vulva.

Oh, and one more thing I like about this:

  1. The concept. There are definitely times when peeing while standing up would be a wonderful convenience — at concerts, when only urinals are available, and (apparently) in prison, to name a few.

In fact, pee funnels are a very real product. A quick search on Amazon turned up the Meeeno Portable Urination Device, the Moonight Portable Female Urinal, the P EZ Female Urination Device, and the slightly more elegant pStyle.


I've heard plenty of pee funnel jokes in my time. Men are fascinated by the idea of women peeing while standing and love that we need a device to do it. But what most people don't realize is that women can pee standing up ... without a funnel.

Indeed, contrary to popular belief, woman pee doesn't just dribble out. It actually produces a stream quite similar to those of men.

It takes a little practice in the shower, and you will need a Sophia-level understanding of your anatomy, but most women can figure it out. Here's how:

1. Find your urethra (i.e., the tube that leads from your bladder to your crotch). Like Sophia stated, this small hole is located between the clitoris and the vagina.

2. Part your labia slightly in front of your urethra. Pull slightly upward to direct the stream.

Photo: wikihow

3. Start and stop your stream with gusto. You can't really ease into and out of it, or you will get a little dribbling. Guys get this, too, but they have an extra inch or so of urethra, so there's less chance of it getting on their clothes.

Photo: wikihow

Again, it might take a little practice, and it's going to be a little different for every woman. (Some women get a beautiful arc, even when using a hands-free method. It has to do with their hip position and labia size.)

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Here's the thing, though: If you use a funnel, you basically don't have to remove any clothing, which is a major advantage if you're using a urinal with other people around. When you stand and deliver without a funnel, you will need to move/remove clothing, making this method less practical in such circumstances.

Here's the other thing: Yes, peeing while standing can be convenient, or even empowering (I think it's so sad and pathetic when men talk about peeing while standing, or peeing off a cliff, or whatever, like it makes them all manly and stuff. Is that really how you define your masculinity? Is that really what you like about being a man?).

But I don't find normal peeing to be all that inconvenient. Like, squatting isn't that hard, and according to scientists, it's actually the healthiest way to poop (it has to do with the angle of your colon), so you may as well build up those quads while peeing, right?

And if you're worried about accidentally exposing yourself, perhaps while out in nature, remember this: if you're wearing a swimsuit, spandex or short shorts, you might not actually have to pull down your clothes to pee. You might be able to get away with just sliding the crotch section to the side.

In short, peeing while standing (without a device) is somewhat convenient, sometimes. But for the most part, I prefer plain ol' squatting.

PS: If you tell a dude you can pee standing, he will ask for a demonstration. Consider yourself warned.

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