How Likely You Are To Murder Someone, According To Your Zodiac Sign

So I've done some research — some whacked out, thorough research — and am now ready to share that research. Question is: are you ready?

This is the prevalence of astrological signs amongst serial killers and mass murderers. Of the 43 male serial killers I compiled, here are the percentages from most prevalent to least.

• Aries, Leo, Scorpio, and Gemini (EACH 11.97 percent of American serial killers)
• Pisces and Sagittarius (9.3 percent)
• Taurus, Cancer, Virgo and Capricorn (each equaled 6.976 percent)
• Aquarius (4.3 percent), and there were only two in the list

Now, let's be clear: There might be more Aquarian serial killers out there than all others, remaining at large because they work like robots emotionally and no one can catch their guilt in interview. But they're not getting caught, so I can't crunch that data. (I can only do so much, people!)

• An indecisive Libra (2.3 percent), with only one in the list

The safe, graceful one. Who didn't know that? Just trust your instincts and don't get in the car with strangers, Libra or otherwise.

Of the most well known, Gacy and Ramirez were Pisces, Bundy was Sagittarius, Gein and Lucas were Virgo, Dahmer and Fish were Taurus.

Some interesting info I also compiled:

• Of all African-American serial killers, 60 percent were Scorpio
• Of all female American serial killers, 50 percent were Scorpio

And on top of this research, for further perusal, I looked at genocidal dictators:

• Hitler (Aries), Stalin (Sagittarius), Mussolini (Leo), and Napoleon (Leo) were all fire signs.
• Caligula was a Virgo. And Oliver f*cking Cromwell was a Taurus. F*cking Taureans!

I might further this zodiac research into other countries so we can truly see which sign is most prevalent. I know you're all thinking, What kind of weirdo does this research voluntarily? Well, I used to want to be a profiler, and I like astrology. Combine the two and you forge the awesome that is me, motherf*ckers!

(Update: I misinformed you all! Hitler was a Taurus. Booyah! No Aries dictators... yet. I shall be the first.)

This article was originally published at Sleep Before Waking. Reprinted with permission from the author.