7 Reasons Crazy B*tches Make The BEST Wives

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Crazy B*tches Make The Best Wives

Call me crazy. No, for real; I don't mind. Call me THAT crazy b*tch. Call me bat sh*t crazy. I take it as a compliment.

Crazy women get such bad raps nowadays. Any woman who shows just a smidge of personality, passion or pizzazz gets categorized as crazy. It's a shame. Crazy women are so much fun. They're the life of the party. They love and live out loud.

I suppose I've always been the "crazy" girl in all of my relationships. I have opinions that I share passionately. If I love you, I really f*cking love you. But I'll totally check you if you need a good checkin', ya heard me?

Am I "slit tires" crazy? No. Have I ran over an ex-boyfriend's foot with my car once? Maybe. It was an accident, and like a half-second. He barely felt it. He was cheating on me. Pah-lease. Yes, I went a little Elin Nordegren.

So, whatever, call me crazy. My husband does. That's because I tell it like it is and I don't put up with anyone's bullsh*t.

There's no way my husband could be married to someone as grounded (read: boring) as him. My husband and I are the epitome of "opposites attract." We're dualities dukin' it out in the boxing ring of life and love. We're opposing forces, always competing against each other and complimenting each other.

But as "crazy" as my man claims I am, he knows he married the right kind of woman. Here are seven reasons crazy b*tches make the best wives.

1. She's real and owns who she is.

She dreams big without fear. She exposes herself fully with all of her certainties and vulnerabilities. Being bold is an admirable and rare quality. If you're lucky enough to bond with a bold babe, hold on for dear life. Literally, it's a ride.

2. She loves like crazy.

There's a reason Beyoncé made a single called "Crazy In Love." She's a crazy b*tch, too! She knows what's up. Crazy women love fiercely and intensely. There are no lukewarm feelings, no grey area. A crazy wife will always let you know when she's feeling you and when she's not. She doesn't hide her emotions, which is refreshing when so much of modern courtship tends to be guarded game-playing.

3. She's extremely creative.

Crazy women have deep and obsessive interests in the arts. It's borderline eccentric. They may dress outlandishly, collect antiques, have great body art or play music at very loud volumes. They may invite you to art shows and theater performances you'd never dream of attending.

Crazy women are deep and can introduce you to a world that's very outside the box. Let them open and stretch your mind. I promise, the mental massage will feel good.

4. She's a freak in the sheets.

And don't think I'm going follow it up with "but a lady in the streets," because I hate that f*cking line. Crazy women don't worry about trying to be ladies in public. Anyway, the synonym for crazy is freak. As in, freaky. Like, get your freak on with your fantastically freaktastic wife. Sexcapades and adventures galore! Hanging from the chandeliers sex anyone? BOOM. Get yourself a crazy wife.

5. She'll defend you like a mofo.

Crazy women know how to shut down conflict. The only caveat here is they don't do it quietly. Confrontations that may seem embarrassing to other people don't even register on a crazy woman's radar. If you've been wronged, she's going to let the person who wronged you know it.

Hell, she's going to let the whole world know it. The crazy wife's got your back. She's in your corner. Just don't double cross her though, because she can defend herself even better.

6. She's high energy.

A crazy girl is high-octane, high-performing, and highly motivated. If you have a crazy lover, they will push you to do things personally and professionally you never thought possible.

Always wanted to climb Mount Kilimanjaro? A crazy woman will make sure you actually do it. She might even do it with you if you want her to. Want to start your own business? A crazy woman in your corner will give you the (strong) nudge you need to set up shop. 

7. She'll never quit.

She's strong-willed and follows through. She's a fierce force and fights to the bitter end. If you're on a co-ed bowling league with your looney lover, be prepared to win — or at least be prepared to not go down easily.

If you're having money problems, a crazy woman won't let you drown in debt. She will find a way to keep you floating above water. If there are bumps in the road through the course of your relationship (all relationships face them), a crazy woman won't give up. 

Listen, there's a difference between insane and crazy. If you've got a wife that's deranged and wildly aggressive, you need to re-think your relationship. Because that breed of crazy is scary. That's not cool. That's the terrifying kind of crazy.

The "normal" crazy wives can push you to your healthy limits. They make you feel invigorated and alive. They motivate you to do things you would've never done before. Falling crazy in love with a crazy wife is about the least crazy thing you could do. I bet it's the most sanely smitten you'll ever be.