People Who Actually Win Their Ex Back Always Do These 4 Things First
Getting back with your ex isn't about luck — it's about strategy.
Apostolos Vamvour | Unsplash It’s sad when a relationship ends. It’s kind of hard to describe the feeling when you know you're in love with someone who you're no longer with — the utter heartbreak that sends jolts of longing and regret through your entire body.
Nothing really captures that hollow feeling of regret that ends up overwhelming your heart — particularly when it comes to a breakup. Is it possible to get your ex back, though? Yes and no. The reality is, you can't force anyone to be with you, but four tactics may actually make them want to get back with you.
People who actually win their ex back always do these four things first:
1. They leave them alone for at least a month
If you just broke up, it’s best to avoid constant communication unless there's some specific reason to — you have children together or some kind of mutually shared situation that’s unavoidable.
What I mean by leave them alone is — don’t bring up the notion of getting back together just yet. Let the wounds somewhat heal before trying to reunite.
If you've been broken up for a long time — ignore this. The reason you want to put some time between the breakup is that the bad memories — if there are bad memories — are still fresh, and your ex’s emotions are extremely raw. Time offers perspective.
2. They improve themself and focus on what they can control
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The key to getting your ex back is … making a concerted effort to improve yourself and your life. Do things you love to do. Re-discover a hobby you used to do or discover a new hobby. Change up your everyday routine.
If you make an effort to change the things in your life that you can control, your mindset — along with the energy you project—becomes more attractive.
A 2018 study argued that individuals who achieve reconciliation often experience breakups as a motivating push for change, using the experience to foster self-awareness, develop healthier behaviors, and demonstrate consistency and remorse to rebuild trust with their former partner.
3. They honestly assess whether or not they are compatible
Before you rush back into something, make an effort to figure out whether you and your ex truly mesh as people. Consider the reasons you want them back and try to think of how you interact as people. Does the interaction feel effortless and natural?
Or— when you think about it — was the only reason you were together out of loneliness or wanting to be with someone instead of being alone? If this is the truth, perhaps getting back isn’t the right move.
A rekindled relationship is more likely to succeed if both parties recognize that it must be a Relationship 2.0, not a return to the problematic past. A 2021 study found that as people age, they often gain more relationship experience and emotional awareness.
4. They realize that even if it doesn’t work out, they'll be okay
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This is an extremely important step when it comes to this venture. If your entire sense of happiness hinges on whether your ex comes back to you or not, you're setting yourself up for disappointment.
Research has shown that this mindset shift allows both people to build self-worth outside the relationship, address underlying issues, and develop a mindset that doesn't hinge on the ex's return. This makes them more resilient and confident in their ability to thrive, whether the relationship is rekindled or not.
This creates a needy vibe. Neediness is an automatic turn-off — and will stop your ex in their tracks from even considering getting back together.
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