Photo: Mary Pastukh/Shutterstock
The wuuuuuurst.
By Gina Cohen — Written on Mar 09, 2016
The playground is the best ... and the worst. It's great that the kids get their exercise and social time, but if you've ever spent a minute pushing a little one on a swing, you've encountered these people, who are the actual worst.
1. The Snack Judger
You whip out your kid's favorite goldfish crackers and this mom gives them the death stare before pulling out her organic, wheat-free, grain-free, dairy-free, non-GMO, homemade gold stars that she found the recipe for on Pinterest.
Also, they're in a reusable fabric tote because plastic, even the BPA-free kind, is a no-go. She'll just wash the tote out later with the water she filters from a well and a bar of soap she fashioned from some glycerin and olive oil. No big whoop.
2. The One-Upper
You, being the kind and friendly person you are, sit down for a minute and make a little small-talk with a nice mom on a bench. She then regales you with stories about her kids' achievements, how quickly they learned to walk and talk, and all of the things she did to ensure their success — educational apps, occupational therapy, and reading time (she sets an alarm to remind herself three times a day).
Oh, you've been to the local indoor water park this year already? Well, SHE gets a work discount and has a season pass. Wouldn't it be fun to go together sometime? (Nope.)
3. The "Oh, I Brought a Kid?" Parent
This is the parent who's paying absolutely zero attention to anything happening at the playground, including their kid, who's usually running around biting people, cutting off your kid in line for the slide, and generally terrorizing the entire park.
Listen, we all look at our phones while we're there, but at least look up every once in awhile to make sure your kid isn't being a total nightmare — and is safe, for crying out loud.
4. The Perfect Parent
Yes, even these parents can be irritating in their perfection. They roll up in their Audi, dressed like they jumped off the pages of a J. Crew catalog, their hair perfectly wavy. They spend the entire afternoon giggling with their perfect kids on the see-saw and racing each other down slides. They don't look at their cell phone even once. They brought bottled water and apple slices.
They're having the time of their lives and that's terrific, but their very presence makes you feel bad about yourself and that's why they've made this list.
5. The Mom with a Nanny
This mom comes to the park with her kids and their nanny. Mom yaps away on her cell phone, holding her Starbucks, complaining about her roots and her need for a nail fill while Nanny plays with the kids. I mean, come on.
6. The Salesperson
You're pushing your kid on the swings like the awesome parent you are, and the parent next to you starts in. They've got a church group you should definitely join. They're selling Jamberry and your nails could really use a punch. They're in a produce co-op and you should really buy your fruit locally. They're basically an annoying version of Amazon in human form and they're here to stay.
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This article was originally published at scarymommy.com. Reprinted with permission from the author.