How To Have Great Phone Sex (Because Yes, You Can!)

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It can start with a simple question like: "What are you wearing?" Other times it starts with a focus on breathing or a loving, but stern, command. And sometimes it starts with a simple "hello" and an ordinary conversation.

No matter how it begins, once it's underway, you'd better hope you have unlimited minutes, because once you learn expert tips on how to have great phone sex, there's no telling how long your calls will last or how hot and bothered you'll get.

Phone sex is an arousing conversation between two or more people over the telephone and it's sexually explicit.

It's common to masturbation while having phone sex with your significant other, but even if you are only talking dirty over the phone, that still counts. 

Phone sex is a popular trend and is not just for those in long-distance relationships.

If you're feeling even the least bit weird about spicing up your airwaves, know that a survey conducted in partnership between popular magazines Cosmopolitan and AskMen found that 85 percent of guys would like their girl to give it to them good over the phone.

But your partner's participation isn't the key to enjoying phone sex — you are.

8 Best Phone Sex Tips to Try:

1. Start off normal.

For starters, do what you'd normally do when you first get on the phone.

"Phone sex comes more naturally when you start off the call naturally — lights on, clothes on, TV in the background, etc., but, as time goes on, lights are turned off, clothes are shed and then you get to the main event," says phone sex operator Sindy St. James.

"It's helpful to have a casual conversation that turns erotic," advises Amy Levine, sex coach, certified sexuality educator and founder of Sex Ed Solutions. "To make the transition, at some point during the conversation switch to a sexy topic like asking what they think about phone sex, or by sharing a fantasy."

RELATED: What Women Really Think Of Dirty Talk And Phone Sex

2. Ask leading questions.

And after you get comfortable and in the groove, "You don't have to start swearing like a sailor," suggests Bright. "Ask leading questions. Listen. Use euphemisms to make you both squirm. It's not four-letter words that make or break a phone call."

While you may limit the swearing (unless it's your thing), one thing you shouldn't limit are details.

3. Be explicit in your details.

The more explicit and the more specific, the better your call will go.

"Don't just say something like, 'When you come home, I will be waiting to take you into the bedroom,'" warns St. James. "Describe every single thing. When you are talking about what you want done to you, instead of saying 'I love being licked, say exactly where and how you like it done.'"

While you're busy getting down with the details, remember that when it comes to phone sex, sound matters.

"Definitely use language you are already comfortable with," adds Lumpesse. "Use your voice and your body as tools of seduction. Most partners will be really turned on by the sound of your breathing or moans, or even the sounds your body is making while you touch yourself."

4. Don't let it be one-sided.

Once you get comfy and cozy and are getting your groove on, good phone sex requires a little Q&A.

"Good phone sex is like a game of tennis," says St. James, who is the author of "How to Get Her to Watch Porn, Have Anal Sex, and Call Her Best Friend for a Threesome: What it Takes to Build a Trusting (and Fun) Sexual Relationship".

"It's a constant back-and-forth and give-and-take. Be descriptive, but then ask a question to allow your partner to take over. After painting a vivid vision of how you would kiss your partner from head to lower body, ask, 'How do you want me to use the tip of my tongue?'"

By asking questions and providing answers, phone sex can make you a better lover. It teaches you both how to give direction and how to receive it.

5. Take things slow.

A slow burn is the best route for the phone sex experience. It can't be a "quickie over the phone, make the phone sex session last." You wouldn't want to hang up before you both are satisfied. 

Taking things slowly allows you to get comfortable with the atmosphere and dig around to explore your confidence, creativity, and sexuality more.

Tools like anticipation and suspense help create a sexy mood for your call and it also gives you more time to have a sexy fun time with your significant other.

6. Send extras.

Sometimes people forget that phone sex isn't just talking over the phone; it's not just your voice.

You can put extra surprises into it like sending a picture of you in lingerie after being asked what you were wearing. You could send a video of how you are touching yourself (if you are comfortable with that!). 

It doesn't even have to be a naughty picture to send either — it could be a video of you dancing sensually to your partner or adding in sex toys to your dialogue. All these things count as phone sex and can make the process more hands-on, or as hands-on as you can get through the phone.

7. Be yourself.

You don't have to become an entirely new person when you participate in phone sex.

You don't need to be more demanding or less awkward. If you mess up the phrasing and you laugh, that's okay! It's encouraged even to laugh during phone sex because, let's be honest, it's weird.

Unless you are role-playing with each other, you don't have to transform into someone you are not. In a usual phone sex situation, be who you are in real life because that is who your partner wanted to call in the first place.

8. Be creative.

If opening your mouth and letting words fly doesn't really sit well with you, Bright shares this idea for fun aural sex: "Read something you find really hot over the phone... a bedtime story, so to speak."

Whether you learn to talk the talk, or simply find it easier to read other people's words, phone sex is a great way to reach out and touch someone when you can't actually feel their skin pressed up against yours.

So let your mouth do the talking and your fingers do the walking and see what buttons you press.

RELATED: Your 7-Step Guide To Phone Sex That'll Make Him Orgasm In Seconds

Phone sex is popular for a myriad of reasons and there are several phone sex lines out there for people searching for it.

Some of the lines even offer free trials like a free sex chat promotion.

Number one, it's safe. You literally talk your way to a place where you want to touch yourself. No protection needed.

Phone fornication can also be intensely intimate and it can bring you and your partner together, even when you're on separate coasts or in different countries.

Good phone sex requires trust as much as it requires a good signal. Have faith that the person on the other end of the line won't laugh at you.

Once you establish trust, you can enjoy sex with your most powerful sex organ: the brain. And once you're using your noodle, phone sex can be some of the most connected lovin' you have.

RELATED: 6 Easy Tips For Skype Or FaceTime Sex That's (Almost) As Hot As The Real Thing

How to Keep the Conversation Going:

The conversation is dwindling and the silence is growing between each person. It happens to all of us. But how do we stop it? How do we keep that conversation alive and, more importantly, hot enough to make your partner on the other side of the country need to touch themselves? 

The first thing you could do is bring up and discuss your sexual fantasies. Ever wanted a fireman to rescue you before taking you to bed? Whatever the fantasy, tell them. It's like you're telling them an erotic story.

Another thing you could do is ask a question — a sexy question. For example, "What's your favorite lingerie piece I own and why?" It's even better if you make them describe it to you or if you go put it on.

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The best way to save a phone sex conversation is to go for the play-by-play. Tell them everything you are doing, from how you feel to where your hand is.

"It may seem 'disconnected' when you first pick up the phone, but the intensity of talking into someone's ear and listening to their confidences will soon have you completely oblivious to your surroundings," says Susie Bright, sexpert and author of "X: The Erotic Treasury". "Pretty soon you'll be one of those people who say, with utter seriousness, that 'phone sex is some of the best sex I've ever had.'"

Even if what you talk about stays in the realm of fantasy forever, connecting aurally allows you a freedom you may not get at other times in your relationship.

"Phone sex can be a great way to experience your deepest fantasies without trying to do things that might be logistically difficult or impossible," says Ellie Lumpesse, a professional phone sex operator on a chat line and blogger. "I've had clients with fantasies about sex in outer space or sex with giants. A skilled partner or phone sex provider will be able to help you create this vivid fantasy in your mind and really enjoy 'living' your fantasy."

Fantasy doesn't only apply to doing it in other galaxies either.

Lumpesse, who started having phone sex before she lost her virginity, adds, "Phone sex is a great venue for really off-the-wall or taboo topics. You can use this to explore fantasies that you may think of as too racy to role play in person."

How to End the Call

1. Leave them hanging.

You could end the call by cutting out mid-sentence. This will leave them in anticipation and suspense, making them want more.

Although, this approach may just have them call you back, so send them a text with a winky face or a sexy emoji. This will get your partner's mind turning for whatever you have planned.

2. Set the next date.

You can end the call by saying something like "let's do this again" or "I can't wait for next time." This will let your partner know that you enjoyed yourself and are looking forward to having phone sex again.

3. End with something sweet.

If you've been together for a while, you can absolutely end the call like you always end when you talk with your significant other.

Tell them you missed them, you love them, and that you will talk again soon. If it's night time, you can even sign off with a cute little "goodnight, baby."

What if I don’t feel comfortable during phone sex?

If you don't feel comfortable participating in phone sex, that's completely fine! Yes, phone sex can be weird, so if you don't feel comfortable, don't let anyone pressure you into doing it.

This is your decision, and feeling comfortable when participating in any sexual activity, including phone sex, is crucial. Consent is mandatory, even if there's no person-to-person contact.

If you don't feel comfortable but want to proceed and try it out, the best advice is to practice. The more you do it, the better you get and the more comfortable and confident you become. 

Phone sex isn't for everyone and that's okay.

If you are into it and it makes you feel good, give your special person a free phone sex call. And if not, there's no need to feel down about it. Use your free minutes in another way.

The important thing is that you get your satisfaction the way you like it. Sex is normal and dirty talk is not a taboo topic. (In the meantime, here are a few phone sex numbers you can try out that have free trials.)

RELATED: How To Have Steamy Phone & WebCam Sex With The Person You Love

Jamye Waxman, MFT, MED, is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, sex educator, author, video host, producer, and director who specializes in working with people seeking help around sexuality and relationships. She utilizes her skills and training to demystify female pleasure, arms the public with accurate information, and empower people with the ability to pursue fun and freedom in their sex lives.