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It's all in the technique.
By Christine Schoenwald — Last updated on Sep 09, 2022
Have you ever been talking to someone and no matter how much you tried, you just weren't clicking with them? They just didn't seem to understand what you were asking, or maybe they misunderstood everything you said.
What can you do to get on the same page as someone, communication-wise?
Luckily, there are psychological tricks that can help you communicate with almost anyone. Some are so simple that they seem obvious, while others are more complex.
1. Wait it out.
If the person you're speaking with gives you an unsatisfactory answer — a lie, or a response that's confusing or unclear — don't ask the question again. Instead, simply focus in on their eyes and don't say anything.
This technique will make him or her feel a bit trapped, and they'll feel compelled to continue their thoughts.
2. Stay cool.
If someone screams at you, don't do anything, as your reaction can lead them to anger. Once the anger dissipates, they'll probably feel guilty for their aggressive and unpleasant behavior, and will apologize.
3. Remain nearby.
If you know that a person is going to criticize, blame or make comments about you, face your fear and try to sit or stand beside them. If you're close, that person will be less negative about you than if you were at a distance.
4. Chew gum.
Eating a meal is often associated with safety and feeling relaxed, so if you're worried about an encounter with someone, chew some gum. It will fool your brain into thinking that you're eating and that there's nothing to be alarmed about. You'll feel much more confident.
5. Imagine that the person you need to impress is a good friend.
If you have a job interview or have to take an important test, pretend that the interviewer or proctor is a close friend. You'll feel calmer and will be able to answer questions easier.
6. Look at people's eyes after telling a joke.
If a group of people begin laughing at the same time, everybody in that group will instinctively look at the person they like the most or the person with whom they want to get closer to.
If you focus on people's eyes after comedy gold, you'll get some valuable information.
7. Be happier than normal when meeting someone.
Every time you meet someone, articulate a little more happiness than usual toward the person: smile sincerely or try to say their name kindly and warmly.
Over time, you'll start relating much better with this person, and the enjoyment of meeting will be sincere.
8. Put a mirror behind yourself at work.
If your work is connected to people, it's possible to encourage them (without their knowledge) to behave better.
Generally, people always try to look their best in a mirror, and never want to appear to themselves as jerks. If there's a mirror behind you, people will see their reflections, and will smile and be nicer.
9. Apply the one-two rule.
If you want to get the attention of someone you like, look at something directly behind their shoulders. Once you know that you've caught the other person's sight, quickly look into their eyes and smile.
10. Control your stress.
When we're stressed, we have a tendency to breathe deeper, while our heart pounds ridiculously fast. When this happens, try to force yourself to breathe at a more regular pace and calm down your heartbeat. You have the power to relax right out of the stress zone.
11. Don't underestimate the effectiveness of eye contact.
If you want to make a great first impression with a potential love interest or get someone's sympathy, focus on their eye color; intense eye-contact can be effective in building trust and connection with another person.
12. Raise the bar.
When you're first making your terms known, make them exceedingly high, knowing that the person you're negotiating with will probably not agree to them. However, the person might agree on the actual terms you offer later.
People tend to cave in on a smaller request or requirement when they've denied you on something larger beforehand.
13. Exhibit self-confidence.
People are drawn to others with self-confidence in themselves and their actions. So even if you're not extremely self-assured, if you look like you are, people will believe it.
Much of being a good communicator is in eye contact, smiling, acting confident, and tricking yourself into being relaxed. And these are skills you already have in your power.
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Christine Schoenwald is a writer and performer. She's had articles in The Los Angeles Times, Huffington Post, Salon, Bustle, Medium, Hello Giggles, Yahoo, and Woman's Day.