Yes, I Call My Kids Assh*les. Why? Because They're Total Assh*les

Listen. We're human.

mom kissing daughter Liderina / Shutterstock

I've received such wonderful feedback from my article, "3-Year-Olds Are Assholes," but I want to address the issues of profanity used in the piece.

Let me start by saying: Of course it's not acceptable to use profanity when describing your children. However, as parents, we're human. We may think our children our assholes in our heads. Heck, we may need to step out of the room to take a breather from an intense negotiation with our toddler because we just need a break.


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Parenting is the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. Anyone who claims otherwise is a liar or in denial. Straight up.

It's OK to feel frustrated with your children. It's OK to be angry at not being able to control a situation. We're deeply flawed creatures — and a part of being flawed is recognizing we may have angry thoughts related to our children when we're having a bad parenting day.

That's OK. Your kids will help you recognize your flaws and will enlighten the ones they themselves suffer from — no one is perfect.

We have to forgive ourselves as parents. Forgive the fact that you may not want to look at your child after they threw your cell phone in the toilet. (By the way, that's a real life example; my daughter actually threw my iPhone into the crapper.) Forgive that you might want to call your child an "assh*le" because they might just be one.


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If you have a problem with me using the term "assh*les," in describing my kids, I encourage you to take a look at the bigger picture. I want you to understand that it is OK to both love and feel incredibly exasperated by your children at the same time.

Feel free to substitute the word "assh*le" for something that makes you more comfortable. But please, don't shame me for using that word in my mind. Allow me to use that as my own personal catharsis so I'm able to be a great mother to my children. Allow me a moment to breathe in the neverending storm of being a parent.

Now that you understand why I call my kids "assh*les," go give your little assh*les a big hug.


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Sarah Fader is the CEO and Founder of Stigma Fighters, a non-profit organization that encourages individuals with mental illness to share their personal stories. She has been featured in The Washington Post, The Atlantic, Quartz, Psychology Today, The Huffington Post, HuffPost Live, and Good Day New York. Sarah is a native New Yorker who enjoys naps, talking to strangers, and caring for her two small humans and two average-sized cats. Like six million other Americans, Sarah lives with panic disorder. Through Stigma Fighters, Sarah hopes to change the world, one mental health stigma at a time.