10 Reasons My Period Can Go EFF Itself

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My Period Can Go F*ck Itself
Self

I have my period right now, and I hate it. I've hated it since the moment I first got it at 12 years old. I'm actually still in denial about it. Every time it ends, I feel like it's the last time I'll ever see it again.

Yet, like an unwelcome ex-boyfriend, menstruation has made a regular appearance every month for the past 20 years, minus the two years I was pregnant where it was absent (thank goodness).

Without further ado, here 10 reasons my period can go f*ck itself.

1. Going anywhere or doing anything seems impossible.


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2. I can't zip my jeans.


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3. No matter what I do, I have stains on my underwear and potentially my pants, so it looks like I pooped on myself.


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4. I look pregnant even though I'm clearly not. Hello, I have my period!


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5. Whenever anyone says anything to me I want to tell them to f*ck off and die.


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6. Period products are utter bullsh*t. Maxi pads feel like adult diapers, tampons are uncomfortable and leak, and I end up losing the reusable products in the chaos that is my apartment. Where the hell is that thing I paid 20 dollars for that's supposed to save me money?


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7. I want to sleep all day, but I can't.


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8. I want to eat everything all the time. And I do. And then I feel like a hot air balloon.


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9. I can't have sex, which solves most problems in life.


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10. It makes me feel totally and utterly insane.


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This has been a public service announcement.