Waiting To Have Sex Until I'm Married Does Not Make Me A Naive Woman

The only man I kiss — and sleep with — will be my husband.

Waiting To Have Sex Until I'm Married Doesn't Make Me Naive Leojuli / Shutterstock

I've been a religious Jew my entire life.

I went to Jewish day school from nursery until eighth grade and then went to an all-girls Jewish high school for four years.

I even went to study in Israel for 10 months.

I wear skirts that cover my knees and shirts that cover my collarbone and elbows at all times, but at the same time, I watch Once Upon a Time, Reign, and Game of Thrones.

I've never considered myself to be extreme in terms of religion or my values. 


Except, it seems that many think I am.

In Judaism, we believe in waiting until marriage. It's not such an uncommon concept.

People of all religions and even those who have no religion believe in waiting.

There are even some celebrities who who waited or are waiting for marriage including Carrie Underwood, Jordin Sparks, Julianne Hough, Hilary Duff, Tina Fey, Taylor Lautner and more.

When I explain my decision to people, they accept it — and some even praise it. 

But then there's those inevitable jerks who think I'm some lonely, naive little girl and that I'm stupid for believing in waiting.


The saddest part is, I get this from Jewish men, too.

So let me clear some things up: I don't regret my decision at all. 

In fact, even if I wasn't Jewish, I would probably still wait. For me (and maybe it's because I'm a romantic), sex is meant to be something you do with the one you love so you can become one.

Sappy answer, but it's true.

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Even those who have a one-night stand have sex because they want to feel that connection, even if the intention is for the connection to go no further.


Why would I want my first experience — the first time to feel that connection — to be with anyone other than the person I hope to spend the rest of my life with?

For all those who tell me "But what if he can't satisfy you in bed?" and "You need to know if your chemistry is good in bed before you marry him," you couldn’t be more wrong.

When I get married, he will be my first (and hopefully my last).

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When we're together, I won't be comparing him to previous lovers because I won't have any.

And while I've never had sex, I know that it's hard to enjoy it if you don't feel even a small level of attraction to the person (be it their looks or their personality).


I will be attracted to my husband so I don't think that will be an issue.

Honestly, all of this shouldn't matter; in the end, this is my belief and you telling me how wrong it is just makes me realize how right it is. 

Nothing you say will make me change my beliefs.


The only man I will kiss and sleep with will be my husband — and I cannot wait to find him.

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Estee Kahn is a writer and amateur photographer who writes all about love — dating, relationships, friendships, yourself, and family. Follow her on Instagram.