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Single and not mingling ... ever.
By Lindsey Kupfer — Written on Nov 19, 2015
Dating just isn't your jam right now and there's nothing wrong with that. Sometimes, when you're binge-watching your third show this month and the pizza delivery guy calls you by your first name, you think to yourself, "I'm literally the most single person ever." Guess what? You're not alone. Not by a long shot.
That being said, there are two types of "single." Let's define them for you:
1. Just being single means you still have hope of finding someone in the near future. You still go out to parties and bars with hopes of finding a date. Your schedule is full of drinks with someone you met on a dating app and basically, you've still got game.
2. But when you're "literally the most single person ever," you've accepted the fact that there will be no spooning in your life for a long time — and you kind of like it. Cuddling sucks anyway. There are rare occasions you get upset about being alone, sure; it happens to everyone. But for the most part you stopped caring about dating a long time ago.
So, how can you tell if you're single or literally the most single person ever? Here are 22 signs you're beyond the point of giving any f*cks, and you can get back to your pizza and Netflix:
1. Your only response to the "Are you seeing anyone right now?" is laughter.
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2. Your DVR is filled with Bravo shows and The Bachelor franchise.
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3. Which means you've definitely contemplated auditioning to be on The Bachelor.
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4. Your auto-response to a flower delivery is to assume they have the wrong person.
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5. You literally don't even know how to flirt with the opposite sex anymore. You've actually forgotten how to flirt like a proper person.
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6. Dating apps are constantly reminding you that "people are waiting for you."
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7. There are no shows left on Netflix for you to watch.
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8. You can't remember the last time you shaved your legs ... or other parts of your body.
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9. You were the last to learn what "Netflix and chill" actually meant.
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10. You're familiar with the rage when you accidentally click on a Buzzfeed quiz meant for couples.
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11. People constantly want to set you up on dates, but never follow through.
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12. You're so far beyond single, you have zero qualms about the fact that you're single.
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13. You can't even imagine what sharing a bed with another human would be like.
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14. There's an entire side of the bed dedicated to your remotes (except when you're sprawled out in the middle).
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15. You have a great dining room table, but you exclusively eat all meals on the couch or in bed.
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16. One of the longest message threads on your phone is with the crystal ball from Seamless.
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17. You're not even a little bit phased by all the proposals clogging up your Facebook wall.
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18. Your single behavior has gotten weird as f*ck.
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19. Even when you do have a one night stand, you're out of there before breakfast.
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20. You have no idea how to respond when a guy compliments you.
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21. You're pretty much convinced that you'll be single forever.
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22. But then you remember...
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