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I may miss him more than I thought.
By Guild Of Unbound Women — Written on Oct 14, 2020
I'm sometimes asked, by people who don't know me very well, if I ever miss my marriage.
They'll say well-meaning (or passive-aggressive) things like, "Don't you miss having someone to come home to?" or, "Don't you miss having a physical relationship?"
I usually just say, "No, not really." Or, I start laughing. Or, I throw up into the nearest bush.
But the other day, I thought about it and I realized that I've done those people a disservice because, yes, I do miss some things that I had in my marriage even though it was toxic.
10 Reasons You Miss Your Toxic Marriage
Honestly, there are a few reasons I miss my toxic marriage. And anyone who's been in the same position as me can certainly understand.
1. I forget to put out the trash.
I just can't seem to get the hang of remembering when to put the trash cans by the curb.
If I have to stuff another week's worth of trash and recycling into already full containers, I may just have to ask him to swing by once a week. Or set a reminder on my phone.
2. The lack of clutter is bothersome.
The house doesn't look the same without his scattered things.
Dung-piles of loose change, dirty socks, collection of broken electronics, or his Mad Max poster. It lacks a certain... what is it? Yeah, yuck-factor.
3. There's no intimacy to be had.
Not having sex with him is almost as boring as sex with him was. Sometimes, I just miss the intimacy.
4. There's also no conversations at the end of the day.
I miss those quiet conversations. The ones about him, his stress, his importance, him, his busyness, his workload, him, his goals, his boss, him, his plans for tomorrow and also, him.
Thankfully, I can talk to myself now.
5. I keep running out of things for my car.
Water, oil, transmission fluid, brake fluid, air, power steering fluid, and that blue stuff that I always see in the driveway.
6. Nobody is around to open jars.
I have 27 unopened jars of pickles. I'm not strong enough to open pickle jars!
7. The cabinets are way out of reach.
I'm 5'1" and he got the stepladder in the divorce. How did that happen?
8. There's a self-care overload.
I've been spending too much time taking care of myself. Last month, I painted my toenails twice.
It's a little shameful and self-absorbed, really. I was a less-selfish person when I was nursing him 24/7 for a week out of every month. Sinuses, you know.
9. I see way too little of his friends.
Honestly, it's because I'm avoiding him.
10. I make a ton of shameless purchases.
The money I've saved on bikini waxes has been shamelessly squandered on groceries, particularly coffee ice cream.
I really owe those well-meaning (passive-aggressive) folks (jerks) an apology. I miss him more than I thought.
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The Guild of Unbound Women is a space to explore the many million issues of single motherhood, but it's also for all the ladies — women stuck in bad marriages, unfulfilled broads wishing for divorce, and happily coupled former single moms with a ton of wisdom to share.
This article was originally published at Unomum.com. Reprinted with permission from the author.