5 Rules I Learned At A Sex Club That Also Majorly Helped My Marriage

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5 Sex Club Rules That Drastically Helped My Marriage

There are about 15 people crowded around looking through the window of a private room in a members-only sex club. Inside, two women and a man are kissing, sucking, and f****** in every position imaginable.

It's just an average Friday night at your local sex club.

It looks wild and crazy and out of control. But there are very strict rules in the club to make sure everyone stays safe and has an enjoyable time.

When new couples join the private club, a staff member goes over a three-page long list of sex club rules and procedures.

The staff member on this night, we'll call him Kevin, said most of the rules are common sense. But he likes to emphasize a certain few to all members.

The rules Kevin highlighted ensure a good time inside the club. And applying them outside the club can help your day-to-day life go a little more smoothly and enjoyably as well.

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1. Communicate by talking and listening.

Embarking on a new sexual experience should never be undertaken due to coercion or pressure from your partner. Both parties should talk about their reasons for wanting to try something new, their expectations for the event, and how they hope the experience will enhance their relationship.

Kevin says sex should involve a lot of talking before the actual sexual experience. Even in your relationship out of the bedroom, just talking and listening to each other can resolve much of life’s conflicts. Notice I said talking and listening.

There are two sides to every story, yet we're often so caught up in making sure our side is heard that we forget to listen to the other side. Communicate before making a decision, during the decision, and continue communicating after the fact to be sure each person has had his or her needs met properly and respectfully.

2. No means no. End of story.

And there's no reason to ask again. When someone says no, they mean no. Kevin pointed out that when you ask a second time it becomes harassment. In the club, if you ask a girl to accompany you to a private room and she says no, you need to walk away.

In your day-to-day life, if a friend asks you to babysit her hellion children yet again, you're allowed to say no. If you're being pressured into joining another PTA committee, it's acceptable to say no.

No is a complete sentence and doesn't require an explanation or an apology.

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3. Take a time out when needed.

Sure, you communicated and thought everything was going according to plan. But plans change. It's OK to call a time out to reevaluate the situation and decide if you want to continue.

If this is your first time at a sex club it can be intimidating and overwhelming. Give yourself, and your partner, permission to say, "Hold on, I need a minute to rethink this."

At home, we give our children time outs when they're throwing a tantrum. Why not extend the time out privilege to yourself when you feel out of control or unsure of a situation?

Whether dealing with a difficult coworker or an argument with your spouse, take a step back, and calm down. When you're ready you'll be better able to handle the situation in front of you.

4. Clean up your own mess.

Kevin pointed out that safe sex is expected and encouraged inside the club, but each person is responsible for making sure that happens. Condoms, showers, and personal hygiene supplies are provided. Leave the room clean and ready for the next couple.

At home, be a grown-up and put your own dirty laundry in the hamper. At work, wipe up your own mess. Your mama doesn't live here. And even if you do live with your mama, she will very much appreciate you cleaning up your own mess.

5. Don't be creepy.

Eccentric is allowed. Different can be interesting. But creepy makes me worried that you have someone locked in your basement.

Creepy scares me. Don't be creepy in the club, in the park, or at the grocery store.

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Jennifer Williams-Fields, E-RYT, is the author of "Creating A Joyful Life: The Lessons I Learned From Yoga And My Mom." Her work has been featured on Yahoo, Dr. Oz, and The Good Life, and she is a regular contributing writer for Elephant Journal Magazine, Rebelle Society, and YogaUOnline.