Family, Heartbreak

13 Things Love Absolutely DESTROYED For Me

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Being in love is the best. You're simultaneously joyous and totally secure, enjoying the rush of romance without the limbo and drama that comes with the early stages of dating — like wondering if this one is going to be a douchebag, or whether or not he'll ever call you again.

You don't have to analyze everything, there are no questions as to how you both feel, and you have a steady plus-one for everything (except maybe One Direction concerts, but whatever). Things are calm, content and generally awesome.

That said, love does sometimes complicate things that never even occurred to you — even things you never assumed would be affected by a relationship.

Here are a few of them, but remember: it could be much worse. You could be dying alone. Seriously. Your life isn't hard.

Alkaline Trio.

They've been one of my all-time favorite bands for a good 10 to 15 years. This may partly be because every time they'd release an album that usually had a few epic breakup songs on it, my own relationship at the time would crumble.

It was uncanny and sort of wonderful. When Damnesia was released in 2011, I braced myself for my boyfriend to peace out. He didn't. That was weird.

When My Shame Is True hit shelves in 2013, he still didn't dump me. Now the band is on a bit of a hiatus, per frontman Matt Skiba, while they work on side projects. I feel like this is all my fault.

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When I'm stressed out, I calm myself by cleaning. Furiously cleaning. My boyfriend is helpful and organized, so I have a lot less to do. Now I just take my frustrations out in Mortal Kombat.

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I've been told I'm hilarious when I'm angry, but I hardly get mad anymore. At least not at dudes who ghost or something. I will never have an HBO special now because my boyfriend rules. Thanks a lot, a*shole.

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My boyfriend never makes any ... because he doesn't have to. As a result, my tolerance for buying them from anyone else has drastically lowered. Don't tell me you were too busy for a text message or that my check is in the mail unless it's certified with a tracking number, because I don't need you.

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Kelly Clarkson's biggest hit songs.

Kelly Clarkson is perfect and has a voice angels would envy. She can basically sing a description of her most recent bowel movement and I'd still download it and buy a physical copy to play in the car.

That said, I have a really hard time appreciating "Since U Been Gone" as much as I used to. I want to sing along sometimes and really feel it, but I can't, because it's an epic, angry breakup song.

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Having no pressure.

I'm from a family of old school Italians. If you date someone for more than two weeks, they ask you where your ring is. Try years of that bullsh*t.

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I cry at them now. Thanks a lot.

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Those make me cry now, too.

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Greeting cards.

Those also make me melt down now. I think I need help. Or dessert.

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My bank account.

Gifting is too much fun.

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My freedom.

If I want to sit on my stoop eating ice cream and rereading Watchmen for the 58th time, I still can.

Unless it's his dad's birthday or something, in which case I have to spend my time pretending his mom is a decent cook, while wishing I were sitting on my stoop eating ice cream and rereading Watchmen for the 58th time.

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My aversion to children.

I still don't want to be responsible for anything that can defecate up its own back, but I don't hate them as much as I used to. Well, not all of them.

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My patience for pals' dating problems.

Everyone hates the girl who's in a relatively hunky dory relationship and doesn't have time for your incessant whining about a guy you met at a bar two summers ago who still hasn't called.

You hate that girl because you wish you were that girl. And that girl hates you back because she knows that you could be that girl ... if you'd stop settling for petty douchebags and make room for someone awesome.

Photo: Giphy
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