5 Things This Straight Girl Learned From Having Sex With Women

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5 Things This Straight Girl Learned From Having Sex With Women

For as long as I can remember, I wanted to have sex with a girl. It started in high school when I realized I had a crush on a girl a year younger than me.

I was never sexually attracted to her, but there was something about her that was intensely alluring — I wanted to hang out with her, cuddle with her, and maybe even kiss her, too. I just wanted to be near her, in any way that I could. But, alas, she was too cool for me, so I just watched her be awesome from a distance, and that was that.

But while I never got to know that particular girl at all, it sparked something in me. Although I knew I was straight, because I had no sexual urges to be with a woman, I wanted to see what it was like to have lesbian sex with one.

I mean, we do have really soft skin, usually smell better than guys, and I also figured that any doubts lingering in my mind could finally be put to bed if I had sex with a woman.

So, when the opportunity first arose at a writing retreat in Provincetown, Massachusetts of all places, I leapt at my chance to do it. The woman was very much aware of my curiosity, and at no point was led on or misconstrued about the situation.

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She wanted to sleep with me and I figured, "What the hell?" and did it. Although it would be some years later and the circumstances would be very different, I would have a few more sexual encounters with women.

I'm not saying I'm seasoned in the art of having sex with women as a straight girl, but I can say that I did learn a few things from the experiences:

1. Vaginas are complicated.

Granted, I was in my early 20s the first time I had sex with a woman, and still had things to truly understand about my own body. But I did learn that vaginas are tricky.

I may have had a handle on mine, to a degree, but having a handle on someone else's was a totally different game for which I was not prepared. I really thought I could get in there with my hand and make her come, the way I'd make myself come, but ... nope. It was an absolute feat that was not accomplished, and left me wondering how that could be the case. Obviously, I needed more practice.

2. Vaginas are fascinating.

I know, I know, I'll move on from the vagina topic, but they really are. When you just have one that you've interacted with your entire life, you get to see what other ones are like, and your mind is BLOWN.

I learned that the sensitivity of the clitoris really does vary from woman to woman, that there is, at least for some woman, an internal G-spot, and apparently all woman, every single one of us, can ejaculate. Personally, I've yet to do the latter, but wow ― the stuff a vag can pull off.

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3. Women are far softer than men.

I knew this one going in, because, of course. But it was nice to get "scientific" confirmation. Between the way we moisturize and keep a lot of our body free of hair, women are just softer, cuddlier, and smoother. 

Men, in all their body hair, are scratchy and itchy with stubble (or bearded) faces that, if you rub up against them the wrong way, can be really irritating. How many times have I walked away from a makeout session with a guy sporting stubble burn? A lot. With women? Never.

4. Four boobs are too many for me.

At a 36DD bra size, I have a decent sized rack on me. And when it comes to the women I've been with, I'd say they definitely rivaled me in breast size. That is, at least for me, a lot of boobs. Don't get me wrong — I love boobs. I think they're beautiful and I have an obscene amount of appreciation for them, but when it came to those intimate situations, it was a turn off. Too. Many. Boobs.

5. There's more to sex than intercourse.

Although I learned that I'm pretty damn straight after my experiences (I'm probably a one on the Kinsey Scale) and want a penis to be part of my sexual encounters, I also learned that there's more to sex than just vaginal intercourse.

Once you take a penis out of the equation, you get to be more creative, and you have to talk about what you want and don't want; it's not just assumed that intercourse is on the table as it would be with a guy.

Communication, I learned, is absolutely key in sex and that's the most important lesson I took away from having sex with women.

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Amanda Chatel is a regular contributor to Bustle and Glamour, with bylines at Harper's Bazaar, The Atlantic, Forbes, Livingly, Mic, The Bolde, Huffington Post and others. Find her on Twitter or on Facebook for more.