8 Things Your Boobs Would Say (If They Could Talk)

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8 Things Your Boobs Would Say If They Could Talk
Contributor
Self, Sex

Most women have a love/hate relationship with their boobs, and how can you blame us? My chest and I have totally been frenemies since day one. Sometimes, they're the perfect wing-women and can help me score without me having to say a word. But they can also be a total PAIN IN THE ASS. 

When you’re a member of the big boobs club, you pretty much get used to the feeling that comes with finally finding the perfect bra to get your sexy on  only for it to cut off your circulation and introduce you to the “Octo-boob”.  

UGH, the struggle doesn't get any more real than that.

But whether you love ‘em or hate ‘em, it's obvious your boobs definitely have a mind of their own — and guess what? They're probably just as tired of your sh*t!

If your boobs could talk, here's what they'd say:

"Why must you stab us in the heart?"
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"Why must you stab us in the heart?"

I don't care what anyone says. Underwire bras are pure evil. I can probably count on my hands a number of times those pesky suckers have shanked me. Wearing underwire should be a crime.

"Free us!"
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"Free us!"

Getting to rip your bra off and let the girls run free at the end of the day is the best thing EVER. Even better than sex.

"Why are we wearing this?!"
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"Why are we wearing this?!"

Wearing that old, worn down bra seemed like a really good idea at the time... until you decided to have company over. Nothing says sexy time like a torn bra from Forever 21's bargain bin, am I right?

“Put your eyes elsewhere, pal.”
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“Put your eyes elsewhere, pal.”

WE SEE YOU. You're not fooling anyone.

“It’s like a sauna in here.”
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“It’s like a sauna in here.”

Two words: Boob. Sweat.

“We’re going to need a bigger boat.”
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“We’re going to need a bigger boat.”

Having double D's isn't always as sexy as it sounds. Exhibit A: The button-down shirt. Make one wrong move and that second button will jump ship as soon as you've got one sleeve on.

“No I don’t want your attention, I’m just cold.”
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“No I don’t want your attention, I’m just cold.”

The fact that everyone can tell when you're cold is not amusing at all. And when you have a big chest, you can't even be sly by slipping on another bra; it'll just emphasize your soldiers standing at attention.

"We're not cut out for this!"
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"We're not cut out for this!"

Exercising is the absolute WORST. End of story.