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How to go from zero to TRAINWRECK in 10 simple steps.
By Lisa Newlin — Written on Apr 27, 2015
Your friend, acquaintance, relative or someone you barely know is getting hitched? That means it's time to P-A-R-T-A-Y!
Everyone loves a wedding. The feeling of love in the air. The flowers. The food. The alcohol. Weddings are about love but the reception is about getting down and dirty with a martini — or seven. We've all been that girl at the wedding reception who was over-served and under-supervised. But we shouldn't feel bad about our embarrassment. We've all done it and the best part is we rarely remember the stupid things we've done while partaking of libations at wedding receptions. Unfortunately, Instagram photos have a pristine memory of that one time you thought it was a great idea to grind on the bride's grandpa.
Either way, we know what you're thinking every time you get drunk at a wedding reception and we've captured it for you in 10 easy stages (complete with gifs) so you can be reminded of what you've chosen to forget about all those wedding receptions you've ever attended. We still can't explain how you ended up passing out in the bridal suite, but some mysteries can just never be solved.
"Free bar?! Don't mind if I do..."
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You are definitely a fan of alcohol, but the fact that it's FREE makes it taste a whole lot better ... and go down a whole lot faster.
"These drinks are going down smooth and I don't even feel a buzz. I better start getting two at a time."
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For some reason you don't think it's suspicious that you're carrying around two drinks at once. And BTW, no one is buying the "this drink is for my date" excuse. Mostly because you didn't bring a date.
"This is my jam! I'll show off my breakdancing skills."
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You don't have breakdancing skills. What you do have, however, is a short cocktail dress that doesn't cover everything it needs to when you're gyrating to Nelly.
"These heels are making me fall, but I bet no one notices."
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Everyone notices, mostly because you're hugging the wall to keep from falling down. And the wall isn't helping.
"Standing in line sucks. I'm going to charm this bartender into giving me a whole bottle of vodka."
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He won't. He doesn't want to part with his last bottle of Grey Goose. He also doesn't like that you keep calling him George (mostly because his name is Tony).
"This cold toilet feels nice."
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You went to the bathroom to pee (and maybe to vomit a little) and discovered that the disgusting toilet at the VFW hall suddenly holds an appeal it never had before.
"RALLY!!!!!!"
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New life has been breathed into you after your ... ahem ... time in the restroom. Unfortunately, that new life gives you vomit-breath, but GOOD NEWS! You're completely unaware of it.
"WHEN IS IT GOING TO BE MY TURN TO FIND LOVE?"
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It's not that you're sad this couple got hitched, you're just sad there's one less guy on the market, and that the market is drying up with each passing day.
"Shmyoonpjyijkmojiop."
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No one has any idea what you're saying, but it makes perfect sense to you (which is all that matters). Right?
"Last call?! Better get two!"
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You don't care if you have to knock over a lady in a wheelchair to make it in time. You're getting that last drink. Fortunately, the last lady in the wheelchair went home at 8:15 so your chance of assault charges has drastically reduced.