People often refer to Congress and politics in general as Hollywood for ugly people. That's mostly true.
Most politicians, at least on the inside, are hideous (and the ones who aren't will be soon enough once they get the hang of things). Additionally, many politicians have really bad, albeit expensive, haircuts. But in order to get elected, politicians have to be attractive somehow, even if they're faking it (which they probably are, and again, if they're not, they will be soon enough). Charisma can go a long way into making people forget that you're at best plain and at worst tragic looking.
These politicians all played the game so well that they've convinced us that we'd go to bed with them somehow, someday, and that we'd be doing it for the people. God bless America.
1. Sarah Palin
Sarah Palin has failed at just about everything and still somehow manages to stay relevant. Seriously, what other losing vice-presidential candidates can you name? That said, she has to be doing something right. My Fox News-loving grandpa tells me it's the legs, and I'll take his word for it.
2. Paul Ryan
Paul Ryan: Because behind every conservative is a very dark, deviant, pervy side. Look at those eyes, that smug smile, that widow's peak. Dude is probably into some freaky shit.
3. John Boehner and Mitt Romney
John Boehner and Mitt Romney count as one person because they have so much in common besides their Republican loyalty. And by "so much in common" I just mean "orange skin." What makes that sexy? C'mon, don't act like Doritos aren't delicious.
4. Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg
Ruth Bader Ginsburg is the Beyonce of the Supreme Court, and you will deal.
5. Marco Rubio
Some people think it's not hot if someone's too thirsty. The good thing about Marco Rubio's insatiable thirst, though, is that it makes him a man who will do whatever it takes.
6. Joe Biden
Is there any living politico on Earth you'd rather have a beer with than Vice President Mr.-Steal-Yo-Girl Joe Biden? He has no filter and no f*cks left to give. And he does things like this constantly.
7. Elizabeth Warren
Whether or not Elizabeth Warren's cheekbones are a result of her alleged Cherokee heritage, they're working as well as her legislation does. Especially considering that haircut.
8. Rick Santorum
Google or Urban Dictionary "santorum." If that's your thing, well, he's your guy, considering it's basically what comes out of his mouth every time he speaks.
9. Cory Booker
Cory Booker saves puppies, shovels driveways, hosts slumber parties for constituents in need and made Newark less scary. The only thing left for him to do is tie on a cape and join the Avengers.
10. Rick Perry
For all you women who are into Christian Grey, consider former Texas Governor Rick Perry your guy, because he's domineering, rich, white and wants total control of your reproductive organs.
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