A Guy And Gal Answer Each Other's 10 Toughest Love Qs

Ever get so frustrated by the whole dating thing that you just want to get some straight up answers about the opposite sex without actually having to ask someone IRL? Good news: the very funny Steve Zangrillo and I have done the work for you. We asked each other the all the burning questions we’ve been wanting to know when it comes to dating, sex and relationships. Read on for our brutally honest answers!

1. Danielle: If we put out on the first date, do you think less of us? Does it dissuade you from looking at us as a potential relationship kind of thing? Are you less likely to take us out again?

Steve: No, having sex on the first date is just a byproduct of this dating landscape we live in. We don’t expect it — nor should we! To be honest, we’re beginning to shun the whole "relationship" idea. We’re still coming to grips with the implications that go with that. However, I’ll take you out again if you make me laugh, sex or no sex.

2. Steve: Why don’t you teach me how to give you an orgasm instead of faking one, dummy?

Danielle: So I’m not sure how many dudes are actually aware of this statistic, but 70% of women can’t get off from penetration alone. It’s not your dick; it’s us. And it’s not like we don’t like you in us, because we really do. So we’re up against that, plus the fact that all vaginas are shaped slightly differently, which means those blockbuster moves that worked with your last partner might not be working for us. Basically, if we’re not really invested in having a relationship with you, or seeing you again, it's easier to fake it than have an awkward conversation with you. If we do like you and we’re going to be sleeping together on the regular, it's still an awkward conversation that we might put off for a little bit. You might think that spending 20 minutes learning the way we like our clit rubbed is fun but for us it’s kind of weird.

3. Danielle: True or false: If a guy is interested in taking a girl out on a date, he will ask her out — period. If false, what are some exceptions?

Steve: I don’t know if I’m capable of making that kind of ground-breaking, earth shattering self-evaluation. Sorry. We read you, just like you read us. This much I do know ... if you don’t appear to be interested in my company, I’m not going to waste my time by even looking at you. Much more, asking you out is clearly out of the question. We don’t know what the hell we’re doing.

4. Steve: It’s 2015 and we’re all dating online. But why do we have this wonderful, long, two-day conversation and — when the time comes — we exchange numbers and the first text goes unanswered?

Danielle: We blow off potential internet dates for a ton of reasons. It could be that the week you gave us your number, we’d been severely disappointed by a few other online dates we actually met up with, and we’re just burned out. Or we come up with some reason in our head why you’re probably not as normal/funny/charming as you’re presenting yourself via texts, and we decide against meeting up. Maybe we matched with some other guy who seems more promising. We might do that thing where we’re like, I’M OVER ONLINE DATING I HATE ALL GUYS, and then put that sentence as our Facebook status and stick to it for a few weeks. There’s no one answer here. But it’s nothing that you did that changed our minds. Promise.

5. Danielle: We’re pretty confused by this online dating thing too. If we send you a message first, does it freak you out? And also, what are some reasons that you guys stop talking to us after we’ve been chatting for a while? Is it just that you’ve come across someone more interesting?

Steve: It’s unexpected when women send the first message, some of you are still old fashioned that way (as are some my own species.) Maybe we just didn’t like the conversation. Or you asked what I do for a living (we get why that’s important, but be a little more subtle, would you?) Sometimes, yes, someone more interesting grabs our attention and then we talk to them and stop talking to you. Makes you want to delete your app and go back to just dating in the real world, right? Me too.

6. Steve: Are my shoes really that important? I like sneakers. What the hell?

Danielle: As long as they don’t light up or have velcro, they’re fine by me. Actually, I didn’t know that this was a thing that women hate on … now I’m racking my brain to think about the footwear that my last few dates were sporting. I mean, if we’re headed somewhere fancy or if you’re meeting my friends for the first time I’d prefer that you not rock your freshest pair of Sauconys. Stop dating sneaker haters?

7. Danielle: We much agonize over when/if/how much/what to text to a guy we’re interested in. But if you’re into a girl, are there deal breakers when it comes to texting that will turn you off?

Steve: Chill with the emojis. Use adequate grammar. Stuff like that. Sexting is stupid, so don’t. I guess if you can read situations, you’ll be able to navigate a conversation with us. Be confident — hell, be ARROGANT. Have fun with us and we’ll have fun with you. It actually is that easy!

8. Steve: Feminism confuses us. Maybe you can help. Why all this brou-ha-ha about independence and gender equality? We agree — we hope you have a job that compensates you equally with the less-fairer sex. But I still overhear women talking about whether or not "his" job is good enough, or complains that he didn’t pay the bill at whatever boring dinner you were at. We get eye rolls when we admit we like the way a girl was dressed. Is there a flow chart?

Danielle: As far as equal pay and gender equality goes, we talk about it because it’s still an issue for us — because we’re still getting paid less than you guys for doing the same work … and it’s 2015. And that’s pretty ridiculous. That said, regardless of all this brou-ha-ha about gender equality, we still want you to be the man. Being "the man" doesn’t have to mean taking us out to fancy dinners on the regular and footing the bill, though. Personally, I’m more won over by a date that’s well thought-out and different than some expensive dinner reservation. But if you’re asking us out, we want you to pursue us, to plan where we’re going, and yes, to pick up the check on the first date. We still want you to kill the bugs, open that jar of pickles, and check on the bump in the night we just heard. But when we’re at work, we want that equal pay.

As for rolling our eyes when you comment on the way other girls are dressed: we compare ourselves to other women all the time — from models, to your ex-girlfriends, to that ridiculously well-dressed woman sitting across from us on the subway. So when we hear you make a comment about another girl, we take it personally that maybe we're not good enough. Bottom line: we’re insecure. If you’re out with a girl you’re interested in, and see a girl dressed in something you like, it would help your cause to keep it to yourself, because there’s no winning there.

9. Danielle: If you’re on a date with someone you’re interested in dating long-term vs on a date with someone you’re just trying to bang, what do men do differently?

Steve: I am the cockiest, wittiest, douchiest best-worst version of myself when getting in your pants is my goal. I am too good to be true – although I absolutely do not lie. Can’t say the same for all of my compatriots. However, it’s worth noting that I will do my best "intellectual soul mate" act when I really want to sleep with you.

10. Steve: Why don’t women approach men first? Is it what we're wearing? It feels like we can’t get the initial word in edgewise without coming off as a creep. 

Danielle: This goes back to the whole "we want you to be a man" thing. We want you to come up to us, strike up a conversation, and ask us out on a date. If you’re not coming up to us, we assume you’re not interested. If you do come up to us and we brush you off, we’re either not into you or we feel awkward accepting your attention because we’re out with friends who we might not have seen in a while, or friends who are all wifed up (because we’re getting to that age) and we’re awkwardly trying to figure out a way to talk to you without blowing them off. (I know this kind of thing doesn’t happen with dudes, but girls take it personally when you choose to talk to some random guy at a bar over them, especially if it’s been a while since the two of you have had "girl time.")

How to not be creepy? Get in and get out. Introduce yourself, break the ice, talk to us for five minutes or so, and head back over to your friends. If you see us leaving, or when you’re on your way out, come over, say goodbye, and ask if we’d like to hang out with you sometime. Thank me later.

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