With all great things come the occasional downsides, too.
By Amanda Chatel — Written on Nov 17, 2014
Massages are awesome! They're not just a great way to relax, but there are also so many other benefits, too. They help with anxiety and stress, work out knots in your muscles, help with chronic pain, and get your circulation pumping. Massages are also used to help in reducing cancer symptoms, as well as assisting in keeping negative side effects of cancer treatments under control.
But with all great things, come the occasional downsides, too. One such downside when getting a massage? The awkwardness. Yes, massages do have some awkwardness twisted up in all the good stuff, too. If you've ever gotten a massage, you know exactly what I'm talking about. Here are the seven most awkward things of the awkward.
Small talk
You don't have to be socially awkward to think that small talk is the worst. Picture this: you're laying naked on a massage table for, sometimes up to an hour, and as much as you want to shut up, you feel this bizarre need to make small talk, or, even worse, you get a masseuse who isn't picking up on the hints you're putting down about wanting complete silence. It's hard to relax when you're so focused on what dumb question you'll ask next even though you don't care what the answer is. It's enough to make your skin crawl.
Farting
It's one of those things everyone fears happening, so when it does, it feels like it's the end of the world. How are you supposed to show your face in these parts again? Whether it's because you've dozed off or are really that relaxed, farting can just happen.
According to Boston certified massage therapist, Natalie Johnson, "It's not uncommon for people to pass gas during a massage session, it's completely normal." Of course this doesn't give you permission to just let them rip, one after another, during your whole massage session.
Drooling and snoring
Another side effect of dozing off during a massage is waking yourself up from your own loud snoring and realizing you've drooled all over the bed. It's not a pretty picture… and now you have resituate where you head is positioned along with lying to your masseuse that you're "getting a cold or something, because normally I don't snore like that. I swear."
Erections
I think we all can agree that the penis has a mind of its own. It's so independent of the actual brain of a man that it really just does its own thing, without zero regard as to just how inappropriate its behavior is.
Men, especially younger guys who have an even harder time controlling that thing, do occasionally get an erection during a massage. It doesn't mean they're necessarily thinking sexy thoughts, but their penis is, well like I said, doing its own thing.
Moaning
Have you ever seen the Friends episode where Phoebe gave Monica a massage, only to realize she's one of those moaners? Awkward. While Monica may have pushed it with her theatrics, sometimes you’re in so much pleasure during a massage that you accidentally let out a "ooh," and "ahh," and "oh, baby! Yes! I'm blushing just thinking about it.
Being told your underwear is in the way.
Although the majority of massage therapists will tell you to get as naked as you're comfortable with, for some spots, like your hips and buttocks (sciatic nerve!), your underwear just gets in the way. There's nothing easy about being told you should have completely disrobed, and having to make excuses for the fact that you're just not a naked person, a Never Nude if you will, and you'd even shower naked if it was socially acceptable.
Twitching and giggling
Any ticklish person, and I'm one of them, knows that for all the good that comes with a massage, there's also a boatload of twitching and giggling, too. You do your best to get control, but sometimes it’s impossible, and you find yourself apologizing over and over again, as you try to gain composure. At that point, relaxation is impossible… until you doze off and fart, of course.
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