Yes, I'm Bisexual. But No, I Will NOT Kiss Your Girlfriend


When I was 17 years old, I came out to my friends and family as bisexual. They were a liberal, open-minded group and accepted the news easily. (My mother insisted that I was just experimenting, but she eventually learned to roll with it, too.)

I had one of the easiest coming out stories ever. The people in my life accepted my sexuality easily and moved on. I thought I was in the clear.

What I didn't see coming was the … well ... interesting responses of certain people around me after I came out, both within my circle of friends and not.

The first awkward moment happened at a party one night when a friend learned I was attracted to both sexes. He blinked at me for a minute and then asked, "Will you hook up with Lindsey*?" Just like that, I was reduced to what I can only describe as a blend of circus sideshow freak and prostitute. The instant I went from a straight woman to a bisexual one, it seemed I was available (and expected) to service his girlfriend.

I promptly punched him in the arm (his girlfriend did the same) and went back to the party. It didn't leave a major psychological scar on me (far from it), but it did make me think. Why was it naturally assumed that because I like both men and women that I would be willing to hook up with anything that moves? I've met other bisexual women over the years and they've reported similar interactions. There's something about the fact that we are attracted to both sexes that makes people think we're wildly kinky. Some of us do like to walk on the wild side, but like the majority of people, most of us are just individuals with unique tastes and preferences.

I've never heard of bisexual men having this issue (that's not to say that it doesn't happen, I've just never met any men with this problem). Maybe it's because there's something "threatening" about a man being with a man, and a woman with a woman is less so. Regardless, I do believe that there's something about bisexual women in particular that makes others view us as freaky and promiscuous.

I will say, it's not too difficult going through life as a bisexual woman. I have to put up with the occasional grump insisting that I'm kidding myself and that I'm really a lesbian (because people just can't mind their own business and like to make it their mission to tell you who to screw), but on the whole, I've never experienced the same issues that my gay and lesbian friends had to face. No one ever hurls demeaning slurs at me, or denies me entrance to an institution because of my sexual orientation. Really, I don't have a lot to complain about … except that I'm regularly asked to provide sexual favors on the assumption that, because I swing both ways, I'm a nymphomaniac and up for anything any time. To be honest, that's getting pretty old.

In the grand scheme of things, being propositioned based on my sexual orientation isn't the worst thing that could happen. I've been sexually harassed on a train, lost out on a good relationship due to my lack of faith, and most devastating of all, I lost my father. So while I'm strong enough to put up with this nonsense, I would prefer that everyone would back off and stop assuming I'm a prostitute. That’s all I'm asking for, y'all. 

So, once again: No, I won't hook up with your girlfriend. Or your boyfriend. Or anyone else you think it'd be fun to see me make out with. My sexuality is not yours to direct. I've got this covered, thank you very much.  

*Names have been changed.