Time For Pillow Talk: Why You Need To Start Having More Sober Sex

A new study shows that pillow talk is nowhere to be found when alcohol was tossed into the mix.

couple in bed

If you've ever had drunk sex, you know just how great it can be. Your inhibitions are out the window, you're more likely to confide the down and dirty details of your life to your partner, or even far more willing to try stuff that you once thought was only reserved for pornos, but, if you haven't figured it out yet, drunk sex isn't the best sex. Drunken sex is actually messy, blabbering stuff that, although fun, results in less-important talk and actions, and faux intimacy. Which, in some occasions, is exactly what you need.


A new study has found that when it comes to comfort and trust, it's after a sober orgasm that partners actually feel what we only think we feel during drunk sex. Alcohol, man, it's the great pretender.

Following 197 men and women, ages 18 to 45, over a two-week period, the participants were asked to document their orgasms, post-sex dialogue and their alcohol consumption. It was with the "heightened sense of trust and lowered perception of threat induced by oxytocin," after a sober orgasm that put couples more at ease and more likely to share information, and honestly so. Do you remember the last time you meant what you said during drunk sex? I'm not even talking about the "promise" to call the next day, but the part where you swore up and down that you did have an orgasm; you did! You really did! Yeah, I didn't think so.


As the study went on to discover, all that great bonding that comes with what's known as "pillow talk," was nowhere to be found when alcohol was tossed into the mix. Sure inhabitations may be lower and that can be part of the charm, but when it comes to real connection and conversation, you want to do it soberly. The study also found that nothing makes for not just an awkward, but negative post-coital experience quite like drinking, having sex, then failing to orgasm (yikes!), which, let's be honest, isn't exactly uncommon, especially for dudes, because of their "equipment." And, of course, in those cases, what has to follow is the inevitable, "This has never happened to me before," or on the part of the lady, "It's OK. It happens sometimes." Ugh. Flashbacks to college are now a-plenty in my mind.

Although this study gives us some interesting food for thought, it doesn't negate the fact that drunk sex can be fun, and is. But it does prove that when it comes to having sexual experiences that are real and will provide both physical and emotional satisfaction, drinking may be something you might want to skip.

But like I said, sometimes you don't want that connection, and that's your call, so in that case, bring on the vodka. Lots and lots of vodka.

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