6 Brutal (But Liberating) Truths About Post-Breakup 'Revenge Sex'

Photo: weheartit
Having Revenge Sex
Heartbreak, Sex

If you've ever had post-breakup "revenge sex" as a way of getting over (or back at) your ex, you're in good company. A study conducted by the Archives of Sexual Behavior found that approximately one third of people have sex with someone new within four weeks of a breakup.

Why do so many people do this? And does it really ease post-breakup pain? Read on to find out what six men and women said about the pros and cons of seeking revenge through sex. 

Lesson #1 (Con): It doesn't help when you're angry.

"I was going out with my ex for about two years when she broke up with me because of the long distance. So, I had sex with this other girl that I met at a party, just because I was angry. Afterward I felt terrible. I had only had sex with my ex up to that point, so this random girl was now my number two, and I regretted having sex with her from a moral standpoint. I totally thought it would make me feel better, but it didn't. All in all, I think it really depends on how much you like the girl who broke up with you. I loved my ex, so I couldn't get over her that easily." — Khad, 24

Lesson #2 (Pro): It helps remind you of the importance of sexual chemistry.

"My previous relationship was sexually non-existent, but I loved the man. I finally ended it after two years, and the next week I was in bed with another guy, following that old advice: The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else. I can honestly say, it did help — I felt amazing with this guy who I wasn't even romantically involved with. It reminded me that when I am with the right guy, the full package will be much better than what I left!" — Nadina, 25

Lesson #3 (Pro): No-strings is very fun.


"When I got transferred to a job in Hawaii, my girlfriend of six years didn't want to commit and move with me, so we broke up. The next night, I went to a bar with her best friend — who was way out of my league. She knew that we broke up, and we had crazy sex for a few nights. I found that having sex without all the commitment and rules helped — and it was way more fun! — Dennis, 35

Lesson: #4 (Con): Revenge sex won't help you grieve.

"I had been with the man, who I thought was the love of my life, for almost three years. Things didn't end up working out, and I was left completely destroyed and broken-hearted. After about two weeks of moping, I decided that the best revenge would be to sleep with someone new. I met this guy out at a bar who totally caught me off guard. We started talking, he bought me a drink, and before I knew it, I was three sheets to the wind and five Ke$ha songs deep. "Ex-boyfriend who?" I thought as he started to kiss me. It was good kissing too —the fun, unexpected, fiery, random hot man in a bar kind of good.

"He asked me if I wanted to go back to his place. At first it was OK, but as the act became real so did my emotions and my very real tears. I couldn't even look at him. All my memories of my ex came flooding back, and I wanted nothing more than to escape that moment. I left his apartment feeling even more defeated than before. There was nothing empowering or enjoyable about the experience in the least. As I balled the entire way home, I realized that sometimes jumping into something (or someone) isn't the best idea post-breakup." — Alli, 26

Lesson #5 (Con): Time is a better cure for a broken heart.

Subscribe to our newsletter.

Join now for YourTango's trending articles, top expert advice and personal horoscopes delivered straight to your inbox each morning.


"After being dumped by my ex after a five-year relationship, I found someone to have sex with. I was working in another state for the summer, and I hooked up with a co-worker. It didn't make me forget about my ex, but it definitely helped at that moment. I was trying to get over her, and I thought sex with a woman I barely knew would help. I worked there for a few more weeks and had sex with two other women. I wasn't looking for love or anything. I guess I was just trying to fill that void and was hoping that I would get over my ex faster by doing so. I learned that if you're heartbroken, random sex isn't the answer. Sex is definitely an emotional release that can help, but the only thing that helps a breakup is time." — Jason, 25

Lesson #6 (Pro): It can feel incredibly liberating.


"I guess I would consider the entire two weeks after breaking up with my super long-term boyfriend, something of a revenge 'activity week.' It wasn't just revenge sex — it was revenge shopping (for scandalous clothing), revenge going out (to trashy bars), revenge flirting (with anyone who had a penis) and all of that combined led to some awesome, eye-opening revenge sex. It was amazing.

After being bottled up like a genie for so long, I was free and loving every damn minute of it. The very first partner after my ex (the second sex partner of my life) completely blew my mind. He gave sex a whole new definition for me. After that, going back to my ex just wasn't even an option. Looking at men as a source of free meals and easy sex was easily the most liberating time of my life. The only advice I would give to my self back then would be to be to put a time stamp on the revenge sexcapades." — Ash, 27