This Just In: Sex Is Turning You Into A Genius

Sorry, watching porn doesn't count.

couple in bed

Sex has proven, in many instances, to be somewhat of a miracle drug. It helps with stress, depression, burns calories, and is the type of fun that makes everyone, or at least most people, happy, like really happy. Now, in news that's about to shake you to the core with a level of glee that you've never known, we have yet another pro that comes with making whoopee. Are you ready? Hold on to your knickers, because they're about to get blown the hell off.


Sex makes you smarter.

Yes! You did read that correctly! Sex makes you smarter! Or rather it makes rats and mice smarter, so obviously it will have the same effect on humans, as we are clearly very closely related to vermin.

We already knew getting busy helped us performed better on critical thinking problems, but recently two separate teams of researchers, one at the University of Maryland, and the other at Konkuk University in Seoul, North Korea, found that sexual activity in those two groups of rodents "improves mental performance and increases neurogenesis." What is "neurogenesis," you ask? Well, it's the production of new neurons in your brain. You need them to at least pretend you're somewhat cognizant of your surroundings.


The part of the brain that benefited the most from sex, according to the studies, was the hippocampus, the place in your noggin where your longterm memories form, grow and thrive. Basically, all the great sex you have in your 30's and 40's is going to help prolong the memories of all the bad sex you had in your 20's.

However, there was one drawback to the findings where brain cell growth wasn't happening, and that was with "fake sex." Fake sex, of course, being pornography. Apparently, any and all good stuff you do to your brain with actual sex can be wiped out by watching too much porn. One can't truly be surprised by this considering from a very early age we're taught that our best friend, the television, rots our brain. It seems that pornographic images, even in the smallest doses can mess up our "working memory," and without our working memory, where do all those memories of bad sex in our 20's go? Down the toilet, pretty much. This is where you need to pick your battle: what's worth more? Porn or a nice clear memory?

While a lot of the findings were up for debate by other researchers, one thing everyone could agree on is that once you make new cells, it's up to you to keep them living and going strong through mental training. But hey, based on what we've just read, whatever cells we destroy, we can just grow back with sex. It's the circle of life: sometimes you’re up and sometimes you're down, and sometimes you just need another reason to have sex several times a day.

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