Why Rape And Domestic Violence Are A Man's Problem (NOT YOURS)

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Why Rape and Domestic Violence Are A Man's Problem

It's been years since the gruesome gang rape of an Indian woman on a bus in New Delhi. The 23-year-old medical student who was attacked later died in a Singapore hospital. What has changed since then?


Women get hurt, threatened, coerced, and abused every single day — the details of which I will not type out in this rant. Not because it's not important for awareness (because it is). Not because it makes me physically sick to think about and discuss these things (because it does).

I don't want to focus on the woman's side of these problems because these behaviors are not the problems of women. Yes, these issues impact women (in profoundly ugly ways), but they reflect the deep rooted issues of (some) men.

These behaviors are a reflection of problems with men. 

Men who are broken, insecure, controlling, mentally screwed up, and violent. Men who need to compensate for their own shortcomings and lack of real strength and masculinity by physically and mentally intimidating and inflicting pain on those might not be physically strong enough to defend themselves against an onslaught of abuse — be it mental or physical.

By calling these "women's issues", we are adding insult to injury by subliminally blaming women and asking them to work through what these men put them through.

Stop it. Women in these situations aren't at fault. Sure, they may stay too long in the wrong relationship, but through physical and mental intimidation, low self-esteem, belittling, and humiliation, these women are coerced into staying and need a lifeline to escape. Stop calling these issues "women's issues".

These behaviors are a reflection of problems with men. 

Men who are vacant of empathy, men who are emotionally bankrupt and lack any measurable humanity. In short: horrors of human beings.

Women caught up in these situations are first victimized, and then quietly villainized. Lay the accountability where it belongs: with these male cowards who are only men because of the gender they were assigned at birth.

I know, I know. I'll get a rush of email from men who will angrily spout: "It's not all men, Charles! You are blaming all men! I don't hit women! I don't mentally abuse them! This isn't a problem with me!"

Quite to the contrary, brother. This is your problem, just like it's my problem. As men, we are supposed to stand up with honor for what is right — for what is just — and protect those who are not able to protect themselves. That's what men do.

So, if you're comfortable resting on your passive laurels, comfortable with the assertion that because you aren't doing it then it doesn't matter, then you are a silent accomplice. Maybe if it were your daughter, or mother, or sister, you wouldn't be so quick to bury your head in the sand and claim that you have no involvement.

These behaviors are a reflection of problems with men. 

Men: Stand up. Stop sitting down and lowering your head, pretending this is someone else's issue to solve.

As we pour more and more and more time, money and effort into programs that help these women pick up the broken pieces of their lives after they have experienced abuse, we are continually failing to recognize that we are too damned late.

Where is the accountability before these women are hurt, their life paths fundamentally altered without their consent? We are attempting to fix the symptom instead of the problem: the behavior of men.

It's time to cure the sickness. Wake up, men. Assign your sense of masculinity to a sense of self-worth, esteem, honor, integrity, and courage... which includes to stand up and stare back into the face of adversity to stop these broken cycles of blatant abuse and emotional abandonment.

You and I, we are all responsible in changing this. And as to anyone who refuses to stand up and alter the present for women in abusive environments? I demand that you SIT DOWN so you aren't in my way as I strive toward change.

MEN: Want to make a change? Donate; not just your cash, but your time to bettering life for those who have been affected by abuse.

Protect your daughters by instilling a sense of self-esteem and self-worth, so if she meets the wrong man, she will leave without taking damage. And discuss the issues of abuse and violence; don't hide from them.

By acknowledging they exist, we can embrace it, dispel it, and finally, discard these disgusting behaviors once and for all.