The Ultimate Guide To Hooking Up At Your Office Holiday Party

vintage office hookup

'Tis the season to get it on with people you shouldn't. Why? Well, when you take alcohol, holiday parties and a bunch of people who work together you're, absolutely, positively, just begging for disaster. It's science, really.

As we covered a couple weeks ago, people are getting it on (or at least fantasizing about it) at the office even without the holiday spirit pumping through their somewhat drunken veins. If that’s the case all year round, the holidays bring out the sexy times even more. 

According to a national survey conducted by Trojan and Harris Interactive, 24 percent of Americans have taken the opportunity of a holiday party to hookup (either during or immediately afterward) with a coworker, with 42 percent being guys and 27 percent being ladies between the ages of 18 and 34. In fact, the top three festivities for holiday hookups can be attributed to New Year's, Christmas and workplace parties, respectively. 

So, if you're planning to seduce that guy from the graphic design department this holiday, where should you do it? Honestly, no place is off limits if you're creative and limber enough. 

1. Copy Room
How Many People Do It Here: 10%
Pros: Any type of room is bound to have a door. Even if it doesn't lock, you can at least put some obstacles in front of it that will allow you time to pull your skirt back down before you're totally caught in the buff.
Cons: Thanks to far too many movies that hooking up on a copy machine look hot, you're liable to end up not completely alone.
Best Sex Position For This Spot: Definitely standing up, or the lady sitting tall and proud on the copy machine. Photo for the memories, anyone?

2. The Boss' Desk
How Many People Do It Here: 10%
Pros: Um, who hasn't hated their boss enough to want to destroy their desk with some mad passionate love making, then watch their boss eat lunch there two days later?
Cons: By far the riskiest, because this one is guaranteed to get you canned if you're found out.
Best Sex Position For This Spot: You can do the sitting thing, by why not go balls to the wall and sweep everything off the desk and lay right down on it? You know that you've been fantasizing about this for years, so go big or go home.

3. Mailroom
How Many People Do It Here: 16%
Pros: You can look through other people's mail if you get bored?
Cons: You really never know when someone decides it's the best time to check their mail.
Best Sex Position For This Spot: Obviously missionary style sprawled out on a full mailbag — those things are mighty comfy.

4. Conference Room
How Many People Do It Here: 18%
Pros: You have a huge table to work with, and lots of chairs, too. It will be like a carnival of office furniture sexcapades.
Cons: If it goes horribly wrong, or you end up regretting it, the room will be a constant reminder (and you do spend quite a bit of time in there) that will evoke blushing and dry-heaving for the duration of your time at the company.
Best Sex Position For This Spot: You're on top for this one, ladies! Why do you think they make conference tables so big? Also, the woman on top while in a chair — especially if the chair has wheels and the room provides a lovely view of the city below. It will be divine on all senses.

5. Taking A Colleague Home
How Many People Do It: 74%
Pros: It can be your dirty little secret forever.
Cons: Trying to get the person to leave the next morning without being a totally ass about it.
Best Sex Position For This Spot: Sky's the limit for this one; whichever way the human body bends, is the right position for this situation.

Have you ever hooked up with a coworker at the office holiday party? Tell us about it in the comments below.