Confession: I'm A Woman & I Have Sexual Fantasies About Rape

If you've ever felt embarrassed or ashamed because of your interests when it comes to the bedroom, we're going to have to stop right there because you're definitely not alone in this. When it comes to sex stories, the chances are that many women have had similar sex fantasies or dreams —they just haven't been open with sharing them.

According to Dr. Lori Buckley of the Sinclair Institute, one of the most common sexual fantasies that women have involves rape. It actually has nothing to do with the action itself but moreso deals with the idea of power and intimacy. She goes on to say that "Women have many fantasies that they would never ever want to have happen", driving home the fact that it doesn't mean that you condone this violent act. While the thought of voicing this kink to a lover can make you feel incredibly umcomfortable, it's important to realize that your sexual fantasies are not a direct representation of who you are. You have nothing to be ashamed about — It's not a fantasy about the violence rape entails but centers instead around feeling desired.


Hi I'm Dr. Lori Buckley with Ask an Expert. I'm a sex and relationship therapist with the Sinclair Institute. Today I'm going to be answering your sex and intimacy questions.

Today's question is: Dear Dr. Lori, I have rape fantasies. Is this normal?

Such a great question. Women have many fantasies they would never, ever want to actually happen. Rape fantasies is a perfect example of that and very common. It's actually one of the most common sex stories that women have. It's not about violence. Rape is about violence, a rape sex story is about being taken. It's about not having to do anything. It's about feeling desired and wanted in that way. So enjoy your fantasy and know that there's nothing wrong with it. 

Connect with me at