Love, Self

What To Do Next When You're Newly Single And Looking For Love

Are you newly single and desperate for a relationship? Are you afraid that this will cause you to make the same mistakes you made before? If so, help is on the way.

In this video, therapist and YourTango Expert Kate Evans reassures you that these desperate post-breakup feelings are common.

"I know it can be frightening to be alone because being with someone makes you feel secure and valuable and loved. It makes you feel like you're not alone in this universe," she says.

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After a breakup, your heart and feelings will be particularly raw. Everything is going to seem like it reminds you of your ex, and you might spend a lot of time initially feeling weepy and wondering if you should try and get back together or if it’s time to move on.

And if you’re feeling like it’s time to move on, likely you’re feeling the need to go and get a new beau as quickly as you can.

While this might not seem like a risky move, you need to wonder whether you’re making the same mistakes you made in the last relationship. If so, you could be dooming another relationship to failure because you’re not taking the time that you need in order to recover and recognize the parts of your relationship that went awry to begin with.

That's why it's so important to give yourself a break between relationships!

So before you jumping into a new one, take some time to heal and to think about the last one. When you’re hurt and looking for love, it can seem like anyone who’s showing interest in you is someone worthy of your love.

But, says Kate Evans, you need to take a step back and evaluate the situation and give yourself some space to really make sure you’re not moving too quickly. "What I want you to focus on is not mistaking attention for love,” Kate says. This is an all-too-common issue in a post-breakup situation.

What is important is for you to think about what you need from a relationship, and make sure that you’re actually ready to begin one again. To understand that you are not alone, even if you feel like you are. And for you to know how important it is to show yourself some real self-love and care — possibly for the first time in a while—or perhaps even for the length of your last relationship.

After you’ve sorted out all of these issues on your own, then you’ll be ready to look for love.

But just how can you make sure that you’re in a good mindset to actually go looking for a new person to join your life? Check out the YourTango Expert video above to learn more. 

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If you have this problem or any other relationship issue, reach out to Kate Evans. She's here to help and she'd love to talk to you!