Catholic Nun Says Female Masturbation Helps Marriages

One Catholic nun is stirring things up at the vatican with her "radical" viewpoints.


Well, well. Either there is a God after all, or the world really is coming to an end. Proof? A Catholic nun is condoning masturbation! Shocking, right? Not only that, but the maverick who's gotten the Vatican all up in arms is also down with divorce and thinks gay marriage is all the rage. Hell yeah! Quick! Someone pinch me; I fear I'm dreaming.

A nun by the name of Sister Margaret Farley is in deep sh*t with the pope and the rest of the staunch Catholic community for preaching "radical feminist ideas" in her book Just Love, a Framework for Christian Sexual Ethics. As we all know, Catholics are not fond of strong women. Just look at their 100-percent male leadership hierarchy: Some parishes only allow altar boys, not girls. As someone who was raised Catholic, I feel I'm allowed to say that the religion is absolutely misogynist and archaic. It's based on a set of religious views that are so old and not up to par with today's society that Catholicism, in my view, does more harm than good. Teaching kids that homosexuality is wrong and that masturbation is a sin is what I imagine they taught back in the Dark Ages. Catholicism needs to get with the program.


Although Sister Margaret made it clear that her book was not to be used by Catholic educators, as it completely steers away from Catholic teachings, she still stands by her claim that masturbation, especially female masturbation, can actually help keep marriages intact. Breaking news here: knowing how to get yourself off makes for stronger intimacy, better sex with your partner and relationships that are less likely to come apart at the seams. Um, yeah, I think that's as obvious as "2 + 2 = 4." 

Radical right-wingers (think Rick Santorum types) may try to tell us that sex is just for procreation, but honestly, anything that feels so good is probably meant to be practiced quite regularly. How else are we supposed to get good at it? How are we supposed to eventually contribute to civilization through baby-making if we don't even know how to pleasure ourselves? If masturbation by both genders leads to better sex and stronger relationships, and it does, then the Vatican should unbunch its panties and realize that it's time to come into the 21st century. It will be worth it in the end.


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