4 Pregnancies, 1 Baby Why I Am A Stay At Home Mommy

I have had three miscarriages. Each one more painful then the last. The final one came after 18 months of trying to get pregnant and 6 months before I got pregnant with my now two year old son. I'm 31 and have been married for almost 7 years to my High School Sweetheart, it's been 13 years together. I went away to college and we maintained our relationship through nightly phone conversations. After a year of dating we got engaged so it was a 5 year long engagement. We didn't have sex for the first time until we were engaged for 2 years, six months later I got pregnant.

That was MLK Jr. weekend of January of 2002 when I was 21. It was a rough semester. I was taking Life Span Development and my Grandmother Died that March, I miscarried that April 15th. Yup, 13 weeks along, second trimester, 4th month according to my doctor. How could I possibly not have known I was pregnant? I had my period each month but it was a strange version of a period and a day shorter. Hard and stringy instead of the usual. They didn't know what went wrong at the time but the baby was developed to 13 weeks so it had just died. I was lucky in all my miscarriages that the babies came out on their own and surgery wasn't required. This baby was "born" in an emergancy room but it started on the 2 hour drive from my home back to school that sunday night. I was expecting my period but I had never experienced cramps that strong before. I tried everything I knew to help and nothing work. The first emergency room the RA's supervisor too my too was full but the second wasn't (both nearby). I never took a test but I had dreams and frequent thoughts about "what would I do if I were pregnant?" 21, Junior in college, engaged long term, worked part time my only way out would have been a miscarriage. After that, I went on the pill but my fiancee had to wait until the title of "husband" in October of 2004 to have sex again. In Biology Lab class they had samples of real babies to show the pregnancy stages, most were miscarried real babies. Did that happen to mine? I had a rough day on the day that baby would have been due, my first angel is still with me.

In September of 2006 we decided to try to get pregnant. That's when I stopped the pill. The second post pill cycle got me pregnant but even at 7 weeks it didn't show on a HPT (home pregnancy test) but the doctor thought I was after a checkup. The next day, before I could get the bloodwork, I miscarried, I saw the embryo this time. It was determined I have low progesterone and would need a special medication asap for future pregnancies. I can't get that image out of my head.

In November of 2007 we had been trying a while so the doctor put my on Clomid. It's a medicine to regulate/start ovulation. For me, I was ovulating late and he wanted to make it earlier. In February of 2008 I got my period and took the higher dose of Clomid prescribed, when I didn't ovulate when I was supposed to I took a test, pregnant. This time the bloodwork showed and I got on progesterone but it didn't work. Gone at 8 weeks. See I got pregnant in January but because I thought I had my period I took the Clomid, you're not suppose to take Clomid when pregnant. It caused the miscarriage. That's when the doctor sent me to a fertility clinic. It came back unexplainable but for future pregnancies I go there first.

We gave up trying after that. I used my OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) and GAD (generalized anxiety disorder) to focus on other things. I started writing my recipes and collecting my family's recipies for a binder, started exercising more and at the end of September 2008 I planted Hyacinth bulbs, the day I got pregnant. I expected my period two days earlier and was sitting in a booth in Wendy's on Columbus Day 2008 and said to my husband "I wanna take a test". We went to the Dollar Tree and got a couple. When I saw the two lines I showed it to my husband and said "how many lines do you see?" he said, "two why?" I said, "this is a positive pregnancy test, I'm pregnant".

That was followed by weekly bloodtests and ultrasounds until 8 weeks when they sent me to my doctor. I was on the progesterone from the day after Columbus Day to 15 weeks. I  was very nauseus but aware why that was good. At his 12 week ultrasound we found out he us a boy, usually you can't learn the sex that soon but for well endowed boys you can. I needed maternity cloths on Christmas Day but felt him kick at 14 weeks. Man did that kid kick! After he was born he would kick just one leg and I was like "so that's what he was doing!" I got to appreciate all the fun but at 23 weeks it was determined I had Gestational Diabetes. No more "pregnancy foods" like ice cream for me! Bloodwork four times a day though. My baby shower was at the end of April in 2009 but two days later I discovered that OCD and nesting don't mix and ended up in prelabor. He stayed in but I was put on bedrest for a month. He only ended up being 12 days early.

After what I went through to get him, I'm not ready to be appart from him for a job that I don't like that doesn't pay enough. The satisfaction is watching him learn and grow and being a major part of his world. A lot of women who go through what I went through would choose to be a SAHM too. I still think of those Angels all the time and it pains me we can't afford another pregnancy. Then I relive these memories and find just one who is wonderful in temperment and adorable is all I need.