Sex In The Dark Or Leave The Lights On?

Imagine yourself courting your mate for a long period of time and you are so excited about being together you decide to get married. After saying your “I do’s” you hit a roadblock before you consummate the marriage. Your new wonderful spouse wants you to turn off the lights prior to having sexual relations. You’re shocked, but realize you never spoke about your preferences.

Do you turn the lights off or leave it on?

Founder of Dating Skills Review, Angel Donovan says, “There are cultural and religious based angles to consider. This tends to be the case for many devout Christians who usually fall under this category. Some religious followers may feel by displaying their bodies, it could be like committing a sinful act. It is these guilty feelings, which may cause inexperienced couples to have sex under the covers and be uncomfortable about disrobing in front of their partners.

Does weight play any part in a relationship?

In the United States, there are other reason why keeping the lights off can be construed as important to some people like body image. Weight and body image is another major factor that fears many women. This is gender non-exclusive, meaning anyone can be apprehensive about his or her physical appearance. Tamara Jackson advices, “The lights come on the lights go off, don't be afraid of who you are or how you look.” She further states, “I'm a larger woman and I use to be ashamed of my body. Now I actually enjoy either, because the person I'm with makes me feel so beautiful no matter what.”

Romantic compromises - Can it make a difference?

According to Dawn Damico who has been married for over 25 years she says “Having the light on or off makes her no difference, but she does prefer candles to set the mood.” She stated once the lights are on can be distracting to her. Patricia Mayo-Luz weighed in with her comments saying, “Lights on. If I can’t see my husband, it just feels too impersonal.”

What do men think about the lights?

As the old saying goes, men are visual and most of the men displayed it in their responses. Rey Tamayo said, “Definitely the lights on, seeing the excitement build physically is priceless.” Musician Anand Bhatt says "I prefer to have sex with the lights on! Visual stimulation is an important part of intimacy."

However Marshall Lubin notated, “I am ambivalent about lighting. Making love is an act of exchange, an act of giving pleasure to your mate. I can fantasize about anything with the lights off, but with the lights on I can enjoy the beauty of my partner.”

Despite the variance in preferences the common thread is physical connection, being able to persevere and mutually respect each other. Try making an effort to bring your mate up to par without being demanding or forceful about your personal desires. Focus on the solutions and not the problems.


Roland Hinds, Relationship Coach and Author: "Are You The Right One For Me? Whose Choice Is It Anyway?" new release ISBN: 978-0-557-23843-9. A self-help book geared towards readers who are in need of creating healthy relationships. Hard copies of the book can be purchased directly from Roland Hinds Media.