Love, Family

Why You Are Failing As A Father And A Husband

Man with his head in his hands

There are many symptoms of brokenness in our culture besides the few chosen characters currently making headlines: a focus on piles of money and "success," fast cars, fast women and loose morals. Our culture has sex with little regard to whom it's with or what the fallout might be if a child is produced in the process. The mindset seems to be, "What can I have? How much can I have? And if someone won't give it to me, I'm going to leave and get it from someone else."

We're becoming more selfish and shallow. And I believe that part of the reason is because we have a distorted view of what success is. Perhaps this is why men leave marriages, or are completely absent from families—they don't have a well-rounded view of success. Study: Fathers Today Are More Involved, But Many Are Absent

Speaker and author Mike Quarles says, "Most people look at success as an impersonal and abstract concept instead of in terms of people and relationships. Relationships and people are the important part of success. Success at the expense of family and relationships is not success."

The average American man believes success is measured by the money in his wallet, the power he wields or the people he can boss around. But that makes success cheaper and shallower than it really is. Should The Government Regulate Fatherhood?

Author Dan Miller breaks up our lives in seven categories, each one a segment of what makes a truly successful person—Financial, Spiritual, Personal Development, Physical, Family, Social, and Career.

Career and Financial success are only two pieces of a much bigger whole person "puzzle." It seems like men today are forgetting other more important parts of the equation, namely family and spiritual development. 

Perhaps all of us husbands and fathers should strive to get back to our spiritual roots. When we take the entire burden of life upon our shoulders, we tend to believe that love is about performance and not just being. Also, we frequently forget that family is a huge part of success. When I last had a deep conversation with my banker father, he said he had changed his priorities over his lifetime and had come to realize that he would do anything now to help and keep his family together. He hadn't always felt that way. Perhaps we can learn from his wisdom, before we reach our mid-60's.

I have always enjoyed Dan Miller’s definition of success: "a progressive realization of worthwhile goals." Career and Finances are a good pursuit, but not to the detriment of all other areas, namely your family. Why Do Men Like Anthony Weiner Take Such Stupid Risks?

If we want real success in our marriages and lives, we have to be committed to our success as a whole person, not just in select areas.