He Hasn't Said "I Love You"

How long is too long to wait for the three precious words?

Written on May 18, 2011

He Hasn't Said "I Love You"

How long is too long to wait for those three special words?

In a relationship, there is no set timeframe for when it's appropriate to declare your love for each other (Trust me, I have tried to find it on Yahoo Answers forums). If you're seeking answers about when he should say it, you'll, unfortunately, find that every Yahoo answerer and every friend has a different answer for you.

Example question: "We've been dating for a year and he hasn't said 'I love you'. Is this normal?"


Various answers from Yahoo:

Answerer 1:
He definitely is(:
he's probably just shy. You should say it first and see what he says, maybe he wants you to say it first.

Answerer 2:
He loves you. Straight up.

Various answers from friends:

Friend 1:
"I'm sure he's just scared because he said it so fast in his last relationship and she really hurt him. That bitch."

Friend 2:
"He probably just wants to wait until it means something. He doesn't want to just throw those words around."

So how do you know if your relationship is headed for the altar or the chopping block? Although I can offer no specific answer, you can ask yourself important questions.


1. Why do you care? Why is it important to hear your boyfriend utter that phrase? (And I mean the entire phrase with three whole words, not just the casual "Love you.") Does it bother you because you're questioning his level of commitment? Are you worried your levels of commitment may differ? Or are you simply worried that other people have said it earlier in their relationships?

2. Why won't you say it first? I told my boyfriend I loved him after two months. It was possibly the most ballsy thing I've ever done, but I wasn't scared to say it because I was 110% sure he would say it back and mean it (and I was a wee bit drunk, which helped me blurt it out). Was it a little premature? I previously thought so. But this is how confident I felt in our relationship. And let me tell you, I would have sooner died than said it to any other men I dated for fear of rejection. So if you are hesitating to take the reins and say it first, what's your reasoning? Are you concerned you'll hear crickets? Are you worried he won't "really" mean it when he says it in return? Or are you just concerned about the dumb "rules" (e.g. "Men are supposed to say it first.")?

If these questions speak to you, it's time to ask yourself what has caused this uncertainty, and then it's time to confront it quickly. If you think it's just "time" to say it by society's standards, then don't worry. It will happen on its own, and there's no need to rush it. But if your uneasiness is caused by a lack of trust or lingering questions about commitment, then the three words (or lack thereof) hold much more weight. Because after all, if you can't be honest and proud of your feelings to the person you love, then what do you have together?