What Do You Expect?

Pinkee here~ We all have expectations in relationships.  Where do they come from?  They come from our earliest memories of fairy tales.  The come from what we learned from our parents or other primary caregivers.  They come from the media- television, movies, and advertising.  In an sense, it doesn’t matter where they come from- the point is, we have them. 

And our expectations cause us at times to think that something’s “wrong”, when if fact perhaps nothing at all is “wrong”.  Perhaps the only thing that is “wrong” is the fact that we have expectations at all, or the way we think about what happens in our relationship.  Who says things have to be a certain way? 

Take a look at what some of your expectations are in your relationship, or in your future relationship if you are currently single.  Perhaps you have an expectation that you each play common gender roles.  Or perhaps you expect to have sex three times a week.  Or perhaps you expect your partner to always be on time, or never to forget to do that important errand you asked her to do.  Or to always be courteous and kind, never in a bad mood.  Maybe a special event is coming up, an anniversary or a much- anticipated party.  You probably already have an image in your mind of you and your partner enjoying the special event, and even the details that will make it so wonderful. 

But let’s stop for a minute and look more deeply.  Have you ever had a rotten time on your anniversary or on a “date night” you had really been looking forward to?  Expectations play a major role in that.  You had a way you thought it was going to go in your mind and when it didn’t play out that way, you were disappointed.  You labeled it as wrong or bad, and therefore didn’t enjoy yourself. 

As you go through your day today, begin to ask yourself: “what are my expectations about my relationship?” and see what comes up.  Then you can try an experiment.  Let go of all the expectations.  Erase your mind of all of them.  Get with the real truth that in reality none of us really knows what is going to happen next.  Allow yourself to be in the space of not knowing, and be fine with it.  If you’re the overachiever type, you can even conjure up some excitement about the fact that you don’t know what’s going to happen next. 

If you do this, two things will happen.  First, if things don’t go as you would have expected, you will not be disappointed.  You will have the option of seeing whatever is happening as an experience, instead of a problem.  Second, you will actually open up magical possibilities by dropping the expectations.  When we live with expectations, it limits our creativity.  When we live in the moment, it opens up a whole world of possibilties!

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