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How to help your marriage through a rough patch after having a kid.
By denise ngo — Last updated on Oct 24, 2023
A while ago, we talked about how young, childless couples are happier than older ones with kids. Not surprisingly, sleepless nights, diaper duty, and the drain on finances take a toll on young couples whose greatest stressor, up until that point, was often what movie to rent on a Saturday night.
In fact, the Relationship Research Institute in Seattle reports that two-thirds of couples experience a decline in their relationship after the birth of their first child. Women start feeling dissatisfied right away, while men experience these feelings gradually.
The good news is that while most new parents feel overwhelmed by the work it takes to raise a child, you can take preemptive measures to stave off the fights and strengthen your marriage, it just won't happen overnight. Here's what counselors and new parents recently suggested to the Wall Street Journal.
Here are 5 ways not to loathe your spouse after having a baby:
1. Assign tasks
Dividing and conquering will buffer misunderstandings about the balance of work in your household. Before having your baby, make a list of every possible duty — from paying the bills to waking up at odd hours to doing the laundry — and split the tasks with your spouse.
2. Take long walks together
One couple with a 2 1/2-year-old daughter pointed out that sitting face-to-face made it easy to misinterpret body language and facial expressions. Instead, they would discuss serious topics (like whether to buy a car) while taking their baby out in her stroller.
3. Sync up your calendars
Go ahead and treat your marriage like a business partnership. Get together once a week to make sure that your schedules match, especially if both of you work. Doing this will prevent misunderstandings about who's on baby duty and the dates of doctor's appointments.
4. Work on your friendship
Intimacy and romance are important, of course, but remember that boosting a marriage goes beyond going on a date night once a month. The Bringing Baby Home program, where couples take 12-hour parenting sessions, suggests that couples spend 20 minutes a day talking to each other about things besides the baby. Talk with each other about politics, TV shows, or current events so that you'll continue to have common interests aside from your child.
5. Consider counseling
Counseling is not just for couples who are on the brink of divorce. Pre-delivery courses and post-baby counseling programs can teach you constructive problem-solving, while group meetings can remind you that you're not alone in struggling. Look for a counselor in your area.
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Denise Ngo is a freelance web writer and editor specializing in love, dating, and relationships. She is the Managing Editor of Loverish and a writer for PopSci.