Overcoming Fear of Commitment and Creating a Healthy Partnership


My personal story of how I overcame fears of commitment in my quest for love and a life partner.

So how do you feel about the “C” word? – no, not THAT one. I’m talking about commitment. It is one thing to choose to date someone exclusively, as you both may agree to be monogamous and fully committed to one another – until you get bored with it and move on to someone else. But to level up and commit to marriage? Now that is a BIG step!

Dating is like a weekend in Vegas, as you enjoy sampling the extensive buffets, throw down what you’ve got on the table, and hope for the best possible outcome. Yes, dating is a gamble and you have to be prepared for getting your heart broken, or being the heart-breaker.

After a few times of “loving and losing”, some people become a bit cynical and guarded with the idea of a committed relationship. They may feel scared to open themselves up to the intense feelings of bliss, as well as pain when exploring the great unknown territory of romantic love. Others may have a hard time settling down, as they enjoy the delicious variety of the all-you-can-eat buffet – finding it too difficult to commit to just one choice. Whether you are married, dating or single (or somewhere in-between), it is really quite interesting to ponder what the concept of commitment truly means to you.

Commitment is really only valid in the moment, as our feelings and perspectives are constantly changing. And we surely cannot expect to change another person – to make them into what we think they should be. Nothing is ever guaranteed, especially when depending on others to “make us happy”. We have no control of how someone else may feel or what they choose to do – now or in the future. We may have high expectations and great intentions, but how can we have faith in wedding vows when the divorce rate is so high? Why do people even get married anyway? – Especially when the definition of commitment means a pledge, promise or engagement, as well as confinement to a mental institution!

Stick with me here, as my seeming pessimism will soon make sense and transform into a positive revelation. For me, the fear of commitment was established at an early age while witnessing my parents failed marriages and others dealing with various relationship dramas, grief, betrayals, etc. Eventually, my own marriage of ten years painfully ended leaving me struggling as a single mother of two. I felt bitter and disheartened, resolving to never get married again. I have dated some since my divorce, however could never bring myself to fully commit to a healthy, happy, long-term relationship – until…

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