John Mayer's 10 Most Controversial Comments Ever

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John Mayer's 10 Most Controversial Comments Ever
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"Just read my Rolling Stone cover article. I'm still not sure if I would want to hang out with me." —John Mayer

This is the tweet that Mayer sent out after reading his own interview.

Ladies, we're going to give it to you straight: if a man admits that he wouldn't even want to be around himself, then that's a sign that you don't want to be around him, either. Yeah, run for the hills.

RELATED: What Is Sexual Napalm? Inside John Mayer And Jessica Simpson's Explosive Sexual Relationship — Which Led To Her Pill And Booze Addiction

We all know John Mayer, with his love songs and his melodic crooning. Although his singing may make some hearts skip a beat, any other time he opens his mouth, he usually inspires more acid reflux than he does longing sighs. 

Seriously, if there was an award for putting your foot in your mouth, this guy would take the cake.

And his infamous 2010 interview with Rolling Stone is the source for these gag-inducing quotes.

So, in case you need any further proof that Mayer is the celebrity who needs the most help finding himself a better publicist, here are his most vomit-inducing comments that he's ever made, ranked by most likely to have to go find yourself a good barf bag.

1. He plays coy and then goes on at length about touching yourself.

"I don't like that question, because it seeks to make me sound strange if I say, 'Yes, but of course I do.'

I mean, I have masturbated myself out of serious problems in my life. The phone doesn't pick up because I'm masturbating. And I have excused myself at the oddest times so as to not make mistakes..." 

2. Then, he paused to give Tiger Woods advice...

"If Tiger Woods only knew when to jerk off." 

3. Before continuing on with the never-ending rant.

"It has a true market value, like gold bullion. First of all, I don't jerk off because I'm horny. I'm sort of half-chick. It's like District 9. I can fire alien weapons. I can insert a tampon.

No, I do it because I want to take a brain bath. It's like a hot whirlpool for my brain, in a brain space that is 100 percent agreeable with itself." 

4. That then concludes with his apparent fetish.

"I am the new generation of masturbator. I've seen it all. Before I make coffee, I've seen more butt holes than a proctologist does in a week." 

5. On the paparazzi: he expresses angst and manages to sexualize it.

"I have some presence of psychological damage from the past 36 months. I have not had a woman appear in my dreams sexually without a paparazzi in the dream too.

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I can't even have a wet dream without having to explain to someone who's grinding on me, 'We can't do this right now, because there's a guy over there taking pictures." 

(For context, let's not forget this Twitter update from 2009: "Trying to procure as many red lipstick kisses on my face as I can. Trying to gag photogs and make a joke.")

RELATED: John Mayer Gets Restraining Order Against 'Obsessed' Fan Jeremy Knight

6. He employs reverse psychology to feel better about romantic rejections.

"Blowing me off is the new sucking me off!"

7. Lest we forget the vagina/soulmate quotient.

"But isn't it also about a beautiful vagina? Aren't we talking about a matrix of a couple of different things here? Like, you need to have them be able to go toe-to-toe with you intellectually.

But don't they also have to have a vagina you could pitch a tent on and just camp out on for, like, a weekend? Doesn't that have to be there, too? The Joshua Tree of vaginas?

...I'll be happy when I close out this life-partner thing. Think of how much mental capacity I'm using to meet the right person so I can stop giving a s*** about it."

8. Here's what he said about the difficulties of finding a girlfriend.

"Do you think it's going to take meeting someone who I admire more than I admire myself?"

9. Then there's the backhanded "compliment" to Jennifer Aniston.

Part I: "I've never really gotten over it. It was one of the worst times of my life... I have this weird feeling, a pride thing, for the people I've had relationships with. What would I be saying to Jen, who I think is f***ing fantastic, if I said to her, I don't dislike you. In fact, I like you extremely well..."

Part II: "...But I have to back out of this because it doesn't arc over the horizon. This is not where I see myself for the rest of my life, this is not my ideal destiny."

10. And the winner is...

"All I want to do now is f*** the girls I've already f***ed, because I can't fathom explaining myself to somebody who can't believe I'd be interested in them, and they're going, 'But you're John Mayer!' So I'm going backwards to move forward. I'm too freaked out to meet anybody else."

RELATED: Sex Abuse and Drug Addiction: 6 Most Explosive Revelations From Jessica Simpson's New Memoir 'Open Book'

Claire Daniel is a love and entertainment writer. 

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Editor's Note: This article was originally posted on January 24, 2010 and was updated with the latest information.

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