"Don't make assumptions," the 'Valentine's Day' star says.
By claire daniel — Written on Jan 22, 2010
This week's Parade Magazine features a chatty Jennifer Garner speaking out about her divorce from Scott Foley, something that the now mother of two admits sent her into therapy.
She also goes on at length recounting Ben Affleck's wooing process (his persuasive letters, charming the socks off her mom), but is it just to dispel rumors that all is not right at home? You be the judge. Jennifer Garner Seeing Sex Therapist?
On co-starring opposite Patrick Dempsey and Ashton Kutcher in the romantic comedy Valentine's Day.
"I go home and say to Ben, 'Do you know what I've been doing at work all day?'"
Her own romance with Ben Affleck.
"Ben is sexy and kind, but he's also a riot. We can be very goofy together."
Finding the time to be romantic.
"You steal the time. You steal a date, you steal a kiss, you steal a whisper. You sit next to each other on the couch with computers on your laps. After the kids are asleep you…well, you know. Whatever it is. You slip away for a night, which we've only just now done for the first time. Of course, I call home while we're away. Ben would be surprised if I didn't."
Why her divorce from actor Scott Foley in 2004 was a turning point.
"I had a lot of growing up to do. I'm still conflict-averse. I don't like to argue. But back then I couldn't have a fight. I couldn't work things out because I wasn't able to say what I needed to say. I didn't have a voice. I didn't dare to express myself. It was a huge heartbreak for me to have something fail like that. I knew that this was either an opportunity for growth or I would sink. It's easy when you're hurt and angry to just say, 'Oh, it's them.' But I had to come into my own. I thought, 'Why did this relationship not work? What part of the failure is my responsibility?' So I went to work on it. I started therapy."
Gaining a powerful self-awareness.
"It's not like I didn't realize I had any issues until I got a divorce. But I had this professional confidence that wasn't equaled by my own personal confidence in any relationship, not just with men. There was a disconnect. I realized I needed to be more like my character in 'Alias,' who was so powerful and confident and an inspiration to me. I understood very well how to be nice and how to take care of people. I didn't know how to ask for anything that I needed. It was important to balance it out."
Finding a new relationship with friend Ben Affleck.
"Well, it helped that we were both single at the time. He's a very good writer."
So did he woo her with letters?
"Don't make assumptions. I didn't say that! Okay…e-mail. He's a very persuasive writer."
Counting on friends and family for support.
"I will tell you what I can't abide—and I think the Internet has really created a space for it—women criticizing other women and mothers criticizing other mothers. It just makes me crazy, whether it's between staying at home, going to work, how long you breast-feed, if you use formula. I feel like we should just assume everyone is doing the best they can. Women should take care of each other, not tear each other down. I would just like to see a mother who really believes that she has done it all so right, you know what I mean?"
Did Affleck have to work hard to win over Garner's mom and sisters?
"He doesn't have trouble wiggling his way in anywhere. Ben is charm personified when he wants to be. He's not easily threatened or made uncomfortable–he's very secure in that way. Maybe he just knows I'm nuts about him, and he doesn't have anything to worry about. Don't forget we were friends first for a long time."
Scoop via Celebitchy. Photo via Fame Pictures.