Love, Sex

To Kiss Or Not To Kiss On The First Date?

first date kiss

Four things we know we're not supposed to do on the first date: talk only about ourselves, send text messages, explain how great the sex was with our exes, get fall-down sloppy drunk.

Two things we're told not to do, but sometimes do anyway: split the bill, have sex. 

One question that probably never crosses our minds, but might be worth pondering: to kiss or not to kiss?

We know what you're thinking: Did I read that right? Did they really just tell us to consider holding off on kissing? As in, "Welcome to 1950, this is your health class, and this is how not to give boys the impression that you're a girl of loose morals"?

Well, sort of.

The thing is, we know kissing is fun. And kissing is exciting. And kissing doesn't necessarily imply any promises of further action whatsoever. Regardless, it might just be worth waiting for. 

Appearing on a recent episode of the Today show, relationship expert Ian Kerner explains that holding off on a lip-lock can be a way of saying, "I see long-term potential in you."

Relaying the story of his first date with his now-wife, he says he only "kissed her on the cheek" because "I saw her as someone I really liked, not just a hook-up... I wanted a relationship." 

As it so happens, many people that Today interviewed on the street agree with him, saying that kissing on the first date is a big no-no for them.

But Patty Stanger of Millionaire Matchmaker, who also appeared on the show, says that a lack of mouth-to-mouth action on a first date can send off another message entirely, specifically: "I'm gay" or "I'm not interested." 

She does, however, concede that Kerner's reasoning is that of a gentleman. "And in this day and economy, where are the gentlemen?"

Our advice: We know every date and every situation and every person's motivations in the dating world are different. But if you think you'd like to see your date a second, third, or tenth time, it might be worth waiting for one very simple reason (the same one, in fact, a lot of people give for holding off on sex): the sweet agony and anticipation.

As Kerner says: "Enjoy the thrill of the chase. When you're in a relationship, it's about keeping the spark alive. So just enjoy it while you can."

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