Are Your Updates Keeping You Single

Are Your Updates Keeping You Single

I just recently got in to Twitter. Since I was forced to seriously curtail my compulsion to blog about my personal life, I found enjoyment in the quick, brief conversations I had with followers&friends. Last night I found myself engaging in a just for fun Twitter Flirtation. I believe the words "anal" and "vagina" were used. 

For those few minutes I kinda forgot that, you know, EVERYBODY with an Internet Connection could see that conversation.

Not to my surprise, an hour after I had this Twittersation, my Direct Message alert bell went off on my phone. Not one but two guys decided to private message me. Hmm...they never PM'd me before, like, what could this be about?

Oh yeah...I was talking about waxing my vagina (in a joking way) on Twitter. Duh.

It's very easy to make yourself what I'll call a mark (easy target) on Facebook and Twitter. Those 140 characters can tell people a lot about you. In fact, folks can determine more about you by reading a day's worth of updates than a trained psychologist could after multiple sessions.   Like what, you ask? Well....

1. Do you update your status every half hour but don't really say anything? -
"Omigod! I love tomatoes!!!" "Oh man, can't find my keys!"  "Ooooh...something shiny!" other words.....I have nothing going on in my life and/or I think I'm so fascinating that I must tell you every thought I have when I have it. Either way, it's not good. It makes you come off needy and high maintenance. The other problem with the frequent updates is that it makes you look addicted to oversharing. You're Tweeting from your laptop, your cell, etc. What people start to wonder is " you ever log off?" You give the impression to some that you are addicted to your gadgets and phone and computer. That makes people question your ability to form real life (read: healthy) connections. People will wonder if you rely on technology to relate to others. Not a good thing. 

2. Do you use Facebook to anonymously chew out friends, lovers or family or just vent? -
Don't do that. When you're on these sites, you're inundated with upwards of 15-20 different updates in the moment you log on. If only a quarter of them are negative, then the user experience becomes toxic. And you become toxic. If you were at a party and you encountered a
stranger or acquaintance that was bitching about something that only affected them, would you hang around? Probably not. Click goes the Hide link. These people are not on Facebook or Twitter to validate your existence or position. Anger, even in under 100 characters, is still off putting. Sure, the occasional vent is fine. But don't make a habit of it or you'll be deemed a downer or someone who needs anger management. I had one guy on my FB page who almsot daily wrote about how he wished people understood how much he was sacrificing in order to help people. Nothing screams "martyr" louder than that. How draining.

3. Do you use sexual innuendo to grab people's attention? -
"Wow..I have no clean panties to wear. Guess I'll have to go without! Hee!" just rolled your eyes, didn't you? Yeah. That's one of the the typical responses to those kind of updates. The other is to assume the person writing such an update is looking to get laid. Or just plain desperate for attention. "Boys, did you hear me??? I said I won't be wearing paaannn-tties! Now tell me I'm sexxx-yyy!" These kind of Tweets and FB updates make you a walking target for every predatory/skeevey person trolling these sites for cyber/phone sex or just plain old fawning from the opposite sex. People who get attention form the opposite sex offline don't need to fish for it online. By throwing out the sexually laced updates, you're basically telling people you never get any attention in your real life or you need an inordinate amount of attention.

4. Do you ever invite strangers to come meet you at a specific location? -
I've been tempted to do this once or twice but opted not to. Why? Because I didn't know who would actually show up. Not only that, but why the hell do I want strangers knowing where I am?  We seem to have forgotten, what will all these "social networks" popping up, that there's still a lot of creeps out there. You don't need a bunch of people with nothing better to do that you don't know showing up and looking to you to entertain them. And then when that one cool person does show up, you'll be swarmed with people who have nothing better to do on a Friday night and you'll be too busy to chat them up because you're playing host.

5. Do you use FB/Twitter to make someone jealous? - Yeah, that one is pretty transparent, too. On Monday you Tweeted that your guy or girl dumped you. On Friday you're sharing the fact that you have two different options for dinner. Newsflash...who's ever dumped you in person has probably also dumped you online, meaning they've removed you from their followers and friends. Or they just don't care enough about you to monitor your moves. Not only can they see through it, but so can anybody else who's been following the daily saga you've posted. It makes you look insecure.

6. Do you announce that you have a date? -
Oy. Please don't do that! I know you think you're all anonymous and everything or that there's no way he or she could ever find you...but that's not true. I once had someone ask me, via Twitter, why I no longer Tweet or FB about my dates, My answer? Well, frankly, it's none of your bees wax. And second? Nobody likes the idea of a blow by blow (ahem) of their life being broadcast to strangers. It makes them feel violated. It also raises the expectations to insurmountable levels. And, really, do you want to deal with all the questions about how things are going when it never got past date 2? If you need to announce that you have a date, then it makes people wonder what you're trying to prove.

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