Learn how to cure post-sex regret.
By Melissa Noble — Written on Jun 26, 2009
You know, there's a significant group of people out there who think sex is overrated. We've met them, and while it seems like an asinine thing to say, we think we know why. Unhappy Marriages Really Stress Women Out
Sex, one of life's most treasured sources of pleasure, can leave some feeling—well—how do we say this?
Unfulfilled.
Yeah. That's how we say it. 10 Simple Things Women Want
And not necessarily in a physical kind of a way (although many of us also walk away orgasm-free. Two for the price of one!), but emotionally. Something is just kind of "eh" about it all.
It might be easy to write off post-sex regret as a stereotypical female ailment. In the same league as all those tireless searches for the phantom G-spot or the stare-at-phone virus that infects some of us after the words "I'll call you."
However, Fox's "sexpert" Yvonne Fulbright says this morning-after regret, or The Coyote Syndrome (where one has the urge to gnaw off their arm to get out of a situation) actually claims both male and female victims. Stop us if you've heard this one before, but oxytocin might have something to do with all this.
Oxytocin is the chemical released post-orgasm that makes us want to cuddle. And on a deeper level, some scientists think oxytocin speeds up an emotional bond right after a physical one, leaving us ladies craving a more deep connection.
While we would argue one shouldn't logically expect a soul mate in the making after casual sex, Fulbright has a few tips to reduce pose-sex regret. To trick your body (and thus your mind) from immediately wishing you'd just gone home alone.
Don’t fake orgasm: Let your partner know what gets you going, giving a show-and-tell if need be. Arm yourselves with knowledge, books chock full of ideas, sexual enhancement products ... anything you need to invite greater sexual response.
Cuddle: Snuggling post-sex can do wonders for both him and her. Contrary to popular belief, plenty of men love to cuddle. Some desire it more than women, in part because men also release oxytocin in sexually peaking. So their bodies are also encouraging some bonding during and post-sex with this hormonal high.
Understand his need to sleep: In many ways, men can’t help but feel sleepy after sex. He’s just had one heck of a workout, which can be an exhausting, tension-relieving experience. This is especially true in post-orgasm situations since his prolactin levels are high. Don’t take these reactions personally, especially in how they can impact your overall sexual satisfaction. He needs to rejuvenate both body and mind during this final phase of his sexual response cycle, known as the refractory period.
Engage in afterplay: Instead of hitting the shower or checking your e-mail, relish this time to relax in each other’s arms. Allow your energies to merge even more with affectionate touches and pillow talk. Use this time post-sex to exchange intimate thoughts, including what you liked about the sex you just had, for example,“That was so great when you...”