5 Ways To Turn Down A Second Date

5 Ways To Turn Down A Second Date

I am not good at turning down a piece of chocolate, let alone a nice, interested guy. I always feel bad, and so sorry for the guy. I lose sleep over it. But then part of me goes, Erin, get over yourself. It’s not like he’s going to die if you say no to a second date. Still, I hate doing it. Here are 5 ways to say thanks, but no thanks:

1. The Fade Out. The fizzling out is harder than it looks and requires patience. It often feels mean, and it ends up taking more energy because, let’s face it, you might have every busy excuse in the book—"I'll be going out of the country, I’m booked up for the next three weeks," and still, if a guy is interested, he will keep after you. At some point, you gotta come clean…I mean, you’ve gotta stay busy. He’ll send one last-ditch-effort "just checking in" email, and you literally have to be like, "Thanks! Great! Hope you're well!" It feels horrible. And so transparent.

2. The Rejection Letter. In my older age, I appreciate honesty. I don’t want to waste anyone’s time, including mine. Sometimes I send an email like this: "That’s very sweet of you to offer to take me out again, but I don’t feel there’s a potential match here. I had a great time and think you’re a cool guy, but I'm just not feeling a romantic connection." It’s a bit formal. You can’t send this if you got drunk and made out on Date One. So try not to do that. If you met him or her on a dating web site, it’s nice to say, "I know you will find what you’re looking for." Feel free to copy and paste that. How To Be Honest, The Right Way

3. The Houdini. Sometimes I screen all calls and delete all texts and emails. When I do this, it’s because I feel the guy misbehaved or disrespected me and therefore doesn’t deserve an answer. So I don’t waste my breath.

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4. The Big White Lie. Sometimes I tell a guy that I got back together with an ex. I think that’s the only believable alibi there is, unless you seem like a person who might go to prison/move to Siberia/join the army on Tuesday. Just make sure your story is plausible, and then try not to run into him at The Gap.

5. The Pass-Along. Beth once went out with a guy who was not her type—but he was her friend's type. So when he asked her out again, she said he was nice but that he'd be really perfect for her friend. He was thrown off for a second, but ultimately intrigued, and he agreed to the set-up. It didn't end up working out, but it sure was generous of Beth!

Looking back, these are all pretty wussy (well, except for #5). Even the "honesty" option is executed from behind a computer. But you know what? 95 percent of guys say, "I'll call you," and then they don’t. So at least I’m not doing that.

What do you do?

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