25 Glaring Signs Someone Secretly Hates You
As soon as you turn your back, they will bury a knife in it.
Jakov Simovic / Shutterstock Who hasn’t been stabbed in the back by someone they thought was a friend?
Maybe you’ve noticed little things about them like off-hand comments, or your vibration is low around them. Perhaps they are always playing the victim in your presence or are constantly sending the evil eye or bad vibes your way.
When things seem a bit off with friends, family, or other loved ones, we tend to give then the benefit of the doubt and make excuses for their changed behavior. We assume they are going through something and are just not themselves.
But it’s important to determine whether their actions are just a phase or a sign that they don’t really like you and are harboring hatred towards you.
25 Signs Someone Hates You
There are many ways to tell if a person is having a struggle in life that’s impacting how they treat others or if they are simply toxic and have an underlying disdain for you specifically. Here are 25 ways signs someone secretly hates you.
1. They have closed-off body language.
People who really don’t like you show it in their body language. If you pay attention, you’ll notice that those who like you lean in when speaking to you and maintain eye contact. They have open body language that is inviting, while those who hate you have body language that is not open and do things like cross their arms or sit with crossed legs in your presence.
Other body language indicators are a failure to mimic your movements, meaning they do the opposite of what you are doing. People naturally align their body language to who they are conversing with, and if they don’t, you are not connected. Feet pointing away from you while talking is also a telltale sign of internal hate for you.
2. They fake being friendly.
People who secretly hate you might paste a smile on their face, but it belies the seething annoyance beneath the surface. Authentic people don’t have to force a smile, it just comes naturally. They are relaxed around you and able to be themselves.
3. They avoid you at all costs.
If someone doesn’t like you, they show it by avoiding you. They put distance between you when speaking with you and find it hard to stay still under your watchful gaze. This can be conscious, or they may not even know they are doing it.
4. Their conversation is primarily small talk.
Friends talk about what’s going on in their lives and lay their feelings on the table for support. If your conversations with a person are limited small talk and surface-level banter, that person is not really a friend and doesn’t trust you.
5. They avoid making eye contact with you.
The eyes are the windows to the soul. Anyone who continuously looks away when addressing you is not very fond of you. They do not feel connected and are not interested in what you are saying.
6. They make too much eye contact.
People who don’t like you sometimes maintain intense eye contact because they feel guilty about the feelings buried deep inside them. They overcompensate by staring into your eyes in a forced and unnatural way.
7. They keep their distance.
When someone likes you, they might hug you when they see you or touch your shoulder when they chat with you. Physical touch shows fondness for another person, and if someone never touches you, it is completely possible they don’t like you.
8. The conversation feels forced.
When two people like each other, the conversation flows smoothly. However, if a person feels obligated but they don’t want to talk, it will show. They might give you one-word answers or seem frustrated when you ask normal questions. They only say what is necessary, nothing more, nothing less.
9. They keep checking the time.
There is nothing worse than a person checking the time repeatedly while talking to you. They are bored with your company and just want the interaction to be over as quickly as possible.
10. They have no interest in you.
A person who talks about themselves incessantly whenever you come together does not like you. True friends give and take, sharing and listening to one another. A person who cares for you and likes you will show interest in who you are.
11. They are too busy for you.
If you have a friend that is always open to doing things with other people but is too busy to meet up with you or show up for important things in your life, they are not your friend.
12. They never initiate contact.
Relationships are reciprocal. It is up to friends to check on each other periodically, and when one side of the "friendship" never reaches out, they are not interested in maintaining the relationship with you.
13. They aren't excited to see you.
Most of us are happy to see our good friends from time to time. If a person seems disinterested or like they’d rather be doing anything else in the world than being with you, they are not a good friend.
14. They are easily offended.
Everyone has their own unique sense of humor and your friend get yours. If someone suddenly starts getting offended by something they once thought was comical, the tide has turned and they have a strong dislike for you.
15. They talk about you behind your back.
Being two-faced is an obvious sign that someone hates your guts. If you can no longer trust them to keep your secrets and they throw you under the bus on a whim, they don’t mean well and are spiteful.
16. They bully you.
Some so-called friends wait until they are around other people to treat you poorly. They pretend to love you in private but show the world how much they hate you, and you should believe that version of them.
17. They are condescending.
If you find yourself frequently having to think of comebacks for a condescending person, they are not someone you should call a friend. Real friends are considerate and respectful and don’t need to downplay you or make you feel stupid.
18. They keep count of favors.
You both give each other things and let one another borrow items, but this person has a habit of demanding that you return their belongings as soon as possible, whether they need them or not. It is a low-key way of lashing out at you.
19. They flirt with someone they know you like.
There are associates that will intentionally pursue your romantic interests. Not because they are really interested in the person, but to make sure they sabotage any possibility of you having a relationship with your romantic interest.
20. They call out your mistakes constantly.
People who love you lift you up when you are down. They don’t keep score of your errors or flaws, but if they secretly hate you, they intentionally ruin your self-esteem by reminding you of what you did wrong or areas in which you lack.
21. They do not celebrate your success.
Look around at who claps for you when you make big achievements in your life. If a person seems to have a negative shift in energy when you get a great job, start a healthy relationship, or get praised for something you did, they seriously resent you.
22. They compete with you.
Your biggest competition in life should be you. If your friend is always trying to one-up every accomplishment you have, they don’t want to see you happy and are praying for your downfall.
23. They don’t publicly support you.
Social media does not dictate our relationships, but if you have a friend who is actively liking and sharing the posts of other people, but ignores yours, know that they see you. They just don’t want to acknowledge you publicly because they don’t like you privately.
24. They put you in compromising situations.
True friends care about your safety and well-being. If someone is doing anything to bring conflict or danger into your life, they have bad intentions. One example is the case of Shanquella Robinson, who vacationed with people she thought were friends and never made it home.
25. They are argumentative.
Nothing is more irritating than a person who thinks they know it all. If someone is constantly arguing with everything you say or do, they are not your friend. They don’t think highly of you and want to shorten your straw so theirs looks longer.
How do you deal with someone who hates you?
Being around someone who doesn’t like you can be detrimental to your mental and emotional health and, in some cases, endanger your physical well-being. You must identify the characteristics of a person who is hanging around in hopes that they get to witness your failure.
If you suspect someone secretly hates you, it’s important that you are transparent about your feelings and that you give them an opportunity to salvage the relationship.
But if all else fails, as difficult as it may be, you need to cut ties with the enemy immediately in order to preserve your own peace of mind. Find friends that truly like you and want a mutually beneficial connection.
NyRee Ausler is a writer from Seattle, Washington, and author of seven books. She covers lifestyle and entertainment and news, as well as navigating the workplace and social issues.